The Jarring Journey
by Steven Dalton
Summary: Join Sunny, Violet, Klaus and Beatrice Baudelaire during the fourth installment of Another Series of Unfortunate Events which chronicles their trip onboard the In-Finite Express.
1. Dear Reader, Book the Fourth

_**Another Series Of Unfortunate Event**__**s**_

_**Book, the Fourth**_

_**The Jarring Journey**_

**_For Beatrice, I will never forget our journey together; particularly the end where you died_**

_Dear reader,_

The phrase "getting away from it all" usually refers to a person's desire to take a trip or vacation away from their ordinary lives and does not in fact mean getting away from it all since doing so would be down right impossible.

The Baudelaires own attempt to get away from it all while onboard the In-Finite Express was neither meant as a vacation or an attempt to escape their ordinary lives since their lives had been anything but ordinary since joining V.F.D. Instead you will find on their journey that they meet up with an old friend they thought might be dead, an old enemy they had hoped would be dead, an accident involving luggage that leads to death and termites.

It is my task to chronicle the Baudelaires' journey accurately as it took place, but you can instead get away from it all especially this story and throw yourself from any mode of transportation should you feel the need to do so,

_With All Due Respect,_

**_Lemony Snicket_**

**_The fourth tale starts now! Thrills chills and termites await them, also check out my other story; Bad Blood which I will be getting back to! read and review, please! :D_**


	2. One

**_One_**

The air was stagnant below the awning of Stagnant Station as Hurricane Melville blew winds on either side of the decaying structure and rain pelted the rooftop and thunder clapped in the night sky and the four sitting on the bench alone all huddled together and felt like being stagnant themselves, considering the amount of travel they'd just done to get here.

The four were of course none other than the Baudelaire orphans and the reason that they were so exhausted was because of the amount of distance they had just walked from the town of Lake Lachrymose and Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice all felt like they needed to rest a bit whenever they arrived at the old train station.

The reason that they had accomplished this feat could be easily ascertained if you were sitting alongside the children and happened to notice what was in the oldest orphan's hand, but since it is quite likely that you were not there at Stagnant Station with the Baudelaires,

I shall simply tell you that the sixteen year old was keeping a tight grip on four tickets that they had recently obtained from their good friend Gustav Sebald, and she was probably thinking about the important message that the good doctor had imparted to them before he jumped onto the back of a fire truck and drove away from the Anxious Clown diner, leaving the Baudelaires completely alone and in the dark, a phrase which here means "Gustav had so many secrets relating to the history of V.F.D. that both Violet and her younger siblings felt it was unfair that he had chosen to rush off and leave them behind, just as Falo had done before supplying them with some sort of answer regarding everything that had happened lately."

If you know anything at all about the Baudelaire orphans than I'm sure you will agree that their lives have been anything but stagnant since Mister Poe came to them at Briny Beach and informed them that their parents had died in a dangerous fire, similar to the one that the children had just tried to rescue Gustav's sister, Sally Sebald from just hours earlier; but had failed in doing so. In fact, the children's lives had been rather hectic, a word which here means, "Klaus, Sunny, Violet and Beatrice had been so busy avoiding Count Olaf, trying to help their fellow volunteers and recently narrowly escaping fires that they'd not had anytime to recover".

Yes, Sunny and her siblings were tired and hungry and felt like they were completely and utterly alone in the wicked world because Falo, the evil twin of Count Olaf and the Baudelaire's current guardian had chosen to leave to somewhere known as the rendezvous; as had Gustav and a man named Lemony whom until recently the children had presumed was dead.

In a literal sense, the orphans were entirely on their own, because the Stagnant Station was empty save for the four of them and this made both Violet and her younger brother and sisters feel even more despondent. The reason that they were sitting here in this rundown train station was because sometime soon, according to the tickets that Gustav had given them; a train was supposed to arrive and there was one ticket for Violet, Klaus and Sunny and one for Gustav.

The good doctor had wisely decided to offer this boarding pass to Beatrice, the Baudelaires' adopted sister presuming and might I add correctly; that his good friend hadn't known that there was now a fourth Baudelaire especially since the articles in The Daily Punctilio couldn't be trusted.

They had no luggage to haul with them, since Sunny, Violet, Beatrice and Klaus had grown accustomed to moving from place to place and all they really had was an assortment of clues that were somehow intertwined to their parents and a dismal author and the unfortunate events they were personally experiencing.

The first Klaus was holding and examining and it was a photograph that the Baudelaires had found during their time at the Very Fine Dwelling, showing four individuals, the Baudelaires' parents, Count Olaf and the equally if not more wicked Mister Dominic.

The second Sunny was reciting to Beatrice to calm her, and it was a copy of "My Silence Knot" which the children had discovered during their stay at the Ned H. Rirger Theater and the third Violet held in her pocket and was perhaps the most significant of all, even though it was only two words that the powder-faced woman, a former member of Count Olaf's troublesome troupe that was now dead; had written for Violet and her siblings and those two words were:

**Find lemony**

But this note seemed to also hold the most mystery for the children, who were coming to find that whomever Lemony was he was keenly interested in their affairs and had apparently known their mother and probably conspired with her to murder Olaf's parents and also was somehow connected to the children's current enemy, the dastardly, despicable and dangerous Mister Dominic; a former counselor, critic, curator, and collector that they had first met upon their return to society at the Very Fine Dwelling. And if you don't know anything about this terrible villain then I suggest you stop reading right now because you will be much safer that way.

Violet sighed as she sat there beside her siblings and they all watched as the hurricane continued to lash against the town of Lake Lachrymose. The four children were sopping wet because they had traveled thru the rain for quite some time and they were cold because they had nothing to warm them up, and Sunny might've thought about a good recipe for soup if she could just stop shivering.

They had been sitting there for at least thirty minutes at Stagnant Station and Klaus was beginning to wonder if the train was going to be coming at all. The tickets that Gustav Sebald had given the orphans had also apparently originated with a man named Lemony and Violet and her siblings guessed that it was the same one whom they'd begun to investigate, and according to the four boarding passes; the train was supposed to arrive at 2:30 but it failed to say if this was during the day or the night.

Sadly the Baudelaires had lost all track of time since they'd left in a hurry to avoid being caught by the authorities, and with Hurricane Melville making the sky darker than usual they had no idea whether or not it was day or night or if the train had come already or wasn't there yet.

In short, they had never felt so very alone and puzzled by the many mysteries that seemed to plague them and even though Falo their former guardian had proclaimed they were now volunteers; the Baudelaires had no idea what to do now that they were.

It was obvious during the year that the children had spent on the island away from the wicked world that much had occurred during their absence, but Klaus, Sunny, Beatrice and Violet had no way to find out what had happened to their friends or to their enemies for that matter especially since they were now fugitives themselves.

Klaus wished that they had fresh clean clothes, not ones that were singed from the fire that had occurred at the Anxious Clown and Beatrice probably wished that she could crawl around because she had been tired of staying put ever since she had learned to do this.

But all four of the children wished that they were back home, with their parents in the Baudelaire mansion and that none of these unfortunate events had ever taken place and that they had never met Mister Dominic or Count Olaf or been forced to uncover secrets that would take a lifetime to discover or lead to more questions. Just then, off in the distance the middle Baudelaire thought that he heard the soft sound of a horn and declared, "I think the train is approaching."

In the downpour of Hurricane Melville it was impossible to see for certain so the orphans stayed under the awning of Stagnant Station and waited to see if their brother was right. The low rumble of something approaching from the west was enough to confirm the well-read orphan's guess, and the four of them watched as the train's front light came into view, shining thru the stagnant air as it approached Stagnant Station.

The loud horn of the express roared above any other noise that could be heard for miles around as the engine started slowing down and the children waited for it to come to a complete stop.

Because of the continuous storm all around them, Beatrice, Sunny, Klaus and Violet couldn't make out how big the train was or how long it stretched behind them but the orphans presumed that a luxury express such as this was probably the largest they'd ever seen, seeing as the only other time they'd traveled on a train had been to Paltryville ages ago, and Klaus briefly wondered if this was the same convoy that they'd traveled on.

Finally, the massive metal machine came to a complete stop and the Baudelaires gazed at the large bold emerald letters on the side of this passenger car that read:

**IN-FINITE EXPRESS**

"**GETTING YOU FROM HERE TO THERE, WITHOUT THE MESS"**

Each of the passenger cars in front and behind this one also had the logo of the train emboldened on the side below the windows; although not every car had windows and some of the emboldened letters were worn out. Klaus noted that the entire train had been built from emerald lumber, thus making it stand out among the storm that was hitting Stagnant Station and Violet presumed that the reason this was the case was because it had been built with wood from the Finite Forest.

Just then, the door to the passenger car opened and a tall man who was wearing the uniform of an attendant stepped out and yelled in a loud voice, "All aboard!"

He was wearing a uniform that matched the outside of the In-Finite Express and was tall and lanky and had dirty brown hair and clean green eyes and a slight scar on his right cheek.

The Baudelaires looked at one another in confusion whenever he called out in such a way, because they were the only people standing there stagnantly, a word which here means languorously and the four of them walked in front of the door and Violet passed him the four boarding passes.

The man looked at them for a brief moment and then nodded and stepped out of the way, allowing the Baudelaires access to the express. As they got onboard the In-Finite Express, the attendant seemed to be waiting to see if someone else would show up and then commented, "None of you are carrying any luggage?"

"We didn't have much time to pack," Sunny said hastily.

"You seem awfully familiar," the man in the emerald uniform commented as he looked one last time out toward Stagnant Station, frowned and then closed the door. The small passenger car that they were now in held absolutely nothing in it except for a booth that the attendant went to stand behind as he ripped their boarding passes in part and then dropped them into the center of the booth before commenting, "Yes I feel like I've seen you four somewhere before."

Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice all felt very tense about this because they knew that it was entirely possible that the attendant had seen their pictures in articles of _The Daily Punctilio_ and wondered if this was the case.

"I suppose it doesn't matter," the dirty brown haired man conceded as he opened the door behind him and commented, "Come along, I'll show you to your cabins. The In-Finite Express will be departing soon." Klaus and his sisters, still wet from being drenched by Hurricane Melville followed the attendant down the narrow corridor which had rooms on either side of the hallway.

The rug beneath them was embroidered with an emerald outline and had the initials L.S. on the edge of it and Beatrice paused, wondering what this meant as the children passed to the next car. The entire train seemed to jolt suddenly as they did so, and the attendant remarked, "It's quite all right, children. That just means we're heading out of here toward our next destination."

Sunny heard the distinct sound of the express' horn blaring above the storm outside and then gazed out the window toward Stagnant Station once more. She thought she caught sight of a car approaching underneath the awning but couldn't be sure as they walked thru another passenger car and her view was obscured.

Had she gotten a better look, the former infant might've realized that it was a taxi approaching and might've informed the attendant about this; but it is unlikely that the train could've stopped had she done so. As for the taxi driver who had arrived ten minutes too late, well some things are too dismal for me to write about.

"Here we are, Cabin 778; this is where your boarding passes said you would be staying," the attendant said; took out a key and gave to Violet before adding, "There are only two sets of keys to each room so please don't lose this one because it's the only one we can make a copy of."

The eldest Baudelaire wondered how that made any sense at all, but decided not to argue with the attendant and said, "Thank you for telling us that, we won't lose it."

"Good, well I hope you have a relaxing journey here onboard the In-Finite Express. If you need anything, please tell me or Monday," the attendant said and then walked back up the corridor to whatever assignment he had to do next. The Baudelaires stepped inside the small cabin that they would be sleeping in, and Klaus, Violet, Sunny and Beatrice were glad to see for once that their accommodations were almost reasonable.

If you have ever traveled around the world in eighty days, or any long period of time; than I am sure you are accustomed to sleeping in quarters fitting for you to take on such a daunting journey.

But the Baudelaires had been traveling for well over a year now since their parents had died and they were no longer children but rather orphans, and they had grown accustomed to sleeping in places that were sub par, a phrase which here means "Klaus, Violet and Sunny had learned to sleep in the backs of trunks, in a cavern, in a leaky submarine, behind a hotel desk and more recently with their adopted sister Beatrice; in a now destroyed school bus and theater basement" so whenever they entered cabin 778, the Baudelaires smiled; pleased to see that the cabin had four beds, two on each side and that they were bunk beds each with two pillows that were also green with the embroidered L.S. on them and each with small green blankets that would be the proper size for each of them.

Upon seeing what nice accommodations they had, the children smiled and realized that for the first time in a very long time they would actually get a full night's rest.

In fact, the orphans felt like their trip on the In-Finite Express might just be the most relaxing one that they'd had, and that they would finally get a chance to gather their thoughts and not have to deal with vicious villainy or uncover some mysterious secret or break a code or save a friend from a terrible fire and so the Baudelaires made a grave mistake and felt that they had finally gotten a break from the action that they had needed so desperately.

And if you were also concluding incorrectly that Klaus, Violet, Sunny and Beatrice's time onboard the In-Finite Express would be devoid of any such terrible troubles than let me assure you right away that this will not be the case and that the Baudelaire's time spent onboard the trudging train would instead be filled with coded messages, dangerous meetings, perilous jumps and stew.

So if you fill inclined to read any further whatsoever, I encourage you to reconsider this carefully and if you are traveling onboard a train of some kind and are reading this manuscript then I would recommend you hurl it out the window before you read any further because if you do so you may find yourself wanting to hurl yourself out the window instead.

Because that is what you will find yourself wanting to do whenever you discover the dangerous things that happen to Klaus, Sunny, Beatrice and Violet onboard the In-Finite Express and you will undoubtedly be depressed and find yourself miserable and also well past your designated destination and find yourself asking anyone in the area whether or not they know which way to go and wishing that you hadn't taken that wrong turn at Albuquerque.

So instead, I recommend you tend to activities that are much more pleasant such as scrubbing a bathtub or fixing an air conditioning and not read any further about Klaus as he closed the door behind them once everyone was inside and hear nothing else at all about Sunny as she climbed to one of the upper bunk beds and stop altogether about learning about Beatrice as she crawled under the covers of the lower bed and find out nothing whatsoever about Violet as she closed the window in their cabin and turned off the lights and presumed just as her siblings did that their trip onboard the In-Finite Express would be completely pleasant and not completely hectic as I have warned you it would be.

Each of the Baudelaires fell asleep in their respective beds, not realizing just as you do not; that the next day and every other day they were on the expedient express would be filled with nothing but trouble for them.

_**A treacherous trip is in store for the orphans! find out more soon! read and review please!**_


	3. Two

_**Two**_

"Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise" is an old saying that one of my good friends used to tell me every Decision Day before the vaporetto floated away and although I was too young to understand what he meant at the time,

I later discovered that this phrase not only had a connection to the secret organization we both had ties to; but could be used to tell people how they should rest quite frequently because you got a lot of sleep then it was possible that you would be healthy, wealthy and wise.

Presuming that this was the case for many years I followed his words to the letter, a phrase which here means "I chose to go to bed early each night and rise early the next morning, missing out on classes, masquerade balls and fishing tourneys and instead sleeping before these activities took place and then getting up early presuming that this would be me dashing good looks, a vast fortune and insurmountable knowledge" but sadly not a single one of the things that I wished to obtain was given to me because of my sleep schedule,

so if I were ever to meet my colleague again I would inform him that he was wrong and that I had been fooled, but sadly he is dead now so I don't see that happening anytime soon. In fact, the phrase "early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise" is entirely wrong because no exact schedule will ever be able to be set for your sleeping methods because circumstances; such as being stuck on a train, change that schedule each day.

And the reason that I opening this chapter with this old saying is because the Baudelaires might've felt that they had gone to bed early and they had risen early the next morning; but they certainly didn't feel healthier, wealthier or wiser, but still felt rather sick, poor and lacking the funds that they needed in order to make a proper investigation of V.F.D. and the many secrets the organization held.

Klaus was the first to wake up and stretched and felt his stomach churn, reminding him that it had been quite some time since either he or his siblings had had a decent meal so whenever Violet and his younger siblings rose and stretched he commented, "Do you suppose that the In-Finite Express has a dining car?"

"I don't know," Sunny admitted as she yawned and helped Beatrice out of bed before commenting, "I bet that one of those attendants might know something about that Klaus." "I'll go ask him about it," the middle Baudelaire decided; taking the key from off of one of the small stands where Violet had laid it some hours earlier and heading into the corridor.

It is here that the middle orphan made a serious mistake, as I'm sure you'll recognize whenever he comes across someone that he wasn't expecting to see onboard the train and I would say had Klaus know he would make such an error he might've chosen to stay in his room beside his siblings and might've even wanted to lock the door.

But sadly, he foolishly chose to venture to the boarding car where his siblings had entered the In-Finite Express and noted that no one was there, so he opened the door to the car in front of him and nearly bumped into a shorter woman with frilly hair, hoop earrings, clean blond eyebrows and dark brown eyes, who was also wearing the same uniform the attendant the Baudelaires had met previously.

"I'm so sorry," Klaus offered as the attendant pushed the cart thru the narrow corridor into the open car and commented, "Where are you heading to?" "I was trying to find the dining car," he explained. She smiled knowingly and replied, "It is almost time for brunch isn't it?"

"I suppose, but I don't really know what time it is," he admitted, to which the attendant replied, "Not knowing what time it is can be a serious problem. But maybe I can help you by giving you a tour of our fine locomotive?" Klaus wondered how viewing the rest of the In-Finite Express would help him determine what the hour was, but kept these thoughts to himself as he nodded and stated, "Thank you very much."

"It's no problem whatsoever, by the way my name is Monday," she explained and Klaus answered, "My name is-" But then stopped before he made yet another grave mistake, because he remembered that to most of the world he and his siblings were considered fugitives and were even now on the run from both enemies and authorities who wished to do them harm and incarcerate them.

He stood there in the silence of the passenger car, unsure what to tell the train attendant; but thankfully the silence was broken as Monday exclaimed, "Oh dear me, are you another one of those fanatics?" Klaus wasn't sure what she meant but before he got a chance to ask she muttered, "I'm sorry where are my manners? I was going to give you a tour of this terrific train wasn't I?"

He nodded toward the frilly haired woman and said, "Yes, but I was more interested in finding the dining car." "Don't you worry, we'll arrive there soon enough, but there are several other interesting features of the In-Finite Express that I'm sure will interest a well-read person such as yourself," she stated, which made him wonder how it was the shorter lanky woman knew he enjoyed reading and became more nervous as he followed her thru yet another passenger car and they came to a wider car which was apparently being used as some sort of school, and there were several desks which didn't seem to be fastened to the floor and the attendant explained, "This is where Neophytes go to study for classes onboard the train whenever their parents are tending to other business."

Klaus wondered if there were any children his age and thought back to their good friends the Quagmires who were currently missing in action a phrase which here means "Neither Klaus nor his sisters had heard from Isadora, Duncan or Quigley in quite some time".

"Are there any students onboard this train?" he asked as they wandered into the next train car, which seemed to be made into a makeshift manicure parlor, and Monday answered, "I'm not sure, there are probably quite a few but you'd have to ask Donald or maybe one of the other older attendants. I'm new to this job and still learning the ropes."

Several passengers were sitting in barber chairs getting their nails trimmed and their hair cut, a practice I would recommend you never attempt to do whenever you are onboard a moving vehicle such as the one Klaus and the other Baudelaires currently were and the middle Baudelaire wondered how many of the patrons would complain about the miserable job the cosmetologists were doing not because they weren't trained properly but because they were onboard a train and therefore doing a good job was downright impossible.

As they moved into the next car, Klaus asked, "How much farther until we reach the dining car?"

"Oh quite some ways I am afraid; we've just made it to one of the larger cars; the lounge and I'm afraid we are nowhere near the dining car… you see the In-Finite Express pays homage to the alphabet, each of the twenty seven cars serves a practical person relating to a letter in the alphabet."

"But there are only twenty six letters in the alphabet," Klaus pointed out. "Precisely," Monday said with a smile as if this made perfect sense to her. "The first is the Administrative car, where our conductor and the others who run the train stay, followed by the Burning room where the lumber we use is burned so that we continue to go all speed ahead, the third is the Conductor's chamber where our conductor sleeps and the main intercom is at. The fourth chamber is the dining room, the one that you are very interested in getting to and as I mentioned before since we are only now at the lounge; there are still quite a few cars to go thru," Monday explained.

"E, F, G, H, I, J and K," Klaus said thoughtfully and then answered, "That's only seven cars; how long could that take?" Monday paused as they reached the middle of the lounge and said, "I'm not really sure, I've never really gone this way, and besides which passengers aren't allowed past the fifth car."

"But why is that?" the middle Baudelaire wondered.

"It's for Employees only," the train attendant responded

. "But how else am I supposed to obtain a meal for me and my sisters?" Klaus asked. "Well I'm pretty sure that you can find something at the restaurant which is located in the nineteenth car," Monday said with a smile

. "That would be back the way we have come," the middle orphan realized to which the attendant nodded and said, "Well you did say that you wanted to go to the dining room." "I need to go to somewhere where I can get a decent breakfast for me and my siblings," Klaus answered. "Seeing as you are currently staying in the quiet car, it won't be far for you to get there at all," Monday observed and then added, "I'm glad I could be of help to you, but now I must go about my other activities."

Even though the train attendant hadn't been much help at all to him, Klaus said thank you to the frilly haired woman and then left the lounge and walked thru the manicure passenger car, careful not to get in the way of the barbers or the cosmetologists who were working on the passengers there.

The fifteen year old briefly wondered about the odd system that the train used for its cars and also wondered what they used for the letters X and Y and Z, but decided for now the most important task for him would be to get breakfast for him, Beatrice, Sunny and Violet.

So as he walked into the car that was the nineteenth out of the twenty-seven cars of the In-Finite Express, Klaus wasn't particularly interested in listening to a show tune or to a song of any sort, but this was precisely what he was met with whenever a bearded man with a banjo strapped around his should moved in front of the middle Baudelaire and began singing joyfully, saying,

_We are Volunteers Fighting Disease,_

_And we're cheerful all day long._

_If someone said that we are sad,_

_That person would be wrong._

_We visit people who are sick, _

_And try to make them smile,_

_Even if their noses bleed,_

_Or if they cough up bile._

_Tra la la, Fiddle dee dee,_

_Hope you get well soon._

_Ho ho ho, hee hee hee, _

_Have a heart-shaped balloon._

_We visit people who are ill,_

_And try to make them laugh._

_Even if the doctor says_

_He must saw them in half._

_We sing and sing all night and day,_

_And then we sing some more._

_We sing to boys with broken bones_

_And girls whose throats are sore._

_Tra la la, Fiddle dee dee,_

_Hope you get well soon._

_Ho ho ho, hee hee hee,_

_Have a heart shaped balloon._

_We sing to men with measles,_

_And to women with the flu,_

_And if you breathe in deadly germs,_

_We'll probably sing to you._

_Tra la la, Fiddle dee dee,_

_Hope you get well soon._

_Ho ho ho, hee hee hee,_

_Have a heart shaped balloon._

As the bearded man with the banjo strapped over his shoulder finished singing his song, he passed a heart shaped balloon to Klaus and the middle orphan reluctantly took it and smiled slightly at the volunteer.

It would be hard to say how shocked Klaus was to see this volunteer fighting disease onboard the In-Finite Express since I myself didn't get to board the train, but he definitely felt that seeing this bearded man from the Heimlich Hospital was odd and Klaus also probably felt that in all of his days he never thought he would live to see the day that he would meet the V.F.D. group they'd met days and days ago until that awful day that the Heimlich Hospital burnt down and they'd not seen the Volunteers Fighting Disease since and had probably hoped that they never would.

"Are you sick?" the volunteer asked as he continued to strum his banjo cheerfully and Klaus replied, "Not really, I'm actually hungry."

"Well you came to the right car onboard this magnificent train, car nineteen; the restaurant; otherwise known as the Bistro Smelt," the bearded volunteer said and then frowned and asked, "You mean you don't have the measles or the flu or some other illness?"

"Well no, why would I?" Klaus Baudelaire wondered, to which the singing man replied, "I'm sorry but the heart shaped balloons I pass out are only for sick people and I don't normally ask this, but can you give it back?"

The middle orphan did so without question, choosing not to tell this volunteer fighting disease that he wasn't particularly interested in having a heart shaped balloon in the first place but would rather prefer a warm hearty meal.

As he passed it back to the banjo playing volunteer, Klaus walked thru the wide restaurant onboard the In-Finite Express and noticed that other members of V.F.D. were busy singing their hearts out to passengers of the In-Finite Express who were dining at the Bistro Smelt, and Klaus wondered if there was a particular car onboard the train specifically meant for these volunteers.

As he approached the counter in the center of the passenger car, Klaus got onto one of the barstools and waited for the attendant who was busy serving a drink to another passenger. Once he had finished pouring the ginger ale, the oddly dressed train attendant stood in front of Klaus silently. The middle orphan noted that he was wearing a costume that was supposed to make him look like the fish that the restaurant was named after, thus making his mouth obscured and impossible to talk; so Klaus said, "Hello, is there a menu I can look at?"

The attendant nodded and passed him one and as Klaus looked it over, there was a sound of laughter from the left side of the chamber; one that the well-read orphan immediately recognized. At first, Klaus was hesitant to turn and to confirm his suspicions as to the sound of the cackling and the chortling because he knew that it might be far better if he simply waited to place an order with the attendant, obtain his food and return to the Quiet Car where Beatrice, Sunny and Violet were waiting expectantly.

And he didn't want to turn around and confirm his suspicions because as you may have already guessed, the suspicions that the middle Baudelaire weren't good because usually that is how suspicions are and I suspect that Klaus didn't want to turn around because he didn't want these suspicions confirmed.

But as the laughter grew louder, the middle Baudelaire couldn't help but turn his head in surprise toward the origin of such a noise and then behind his glasses the orphan's eyes widened in surprise as he saw three individuals walk in from the other side of the Restaurant Car and quickly arrive at a booth.

The first on the left had a thick black moustache as if someone had chopped off a gorilla's thumb and put it on his lip, and in his left hand he held a banana and was currently chomping on it as he wiped some of it off of his moustache,

and the second was a tall woman who had long black hair that was incredibly dirty and she was holding a plastic bag in her right hand and her eyes were shifting about the room as if she was looking for someone or something,

and the third was perhaps the most recognizable of all; wearing a rumpled brown suit that had a few stains on it and he was wearing a tie that had pictures of snails on it and a small red nose that almost looked like a tomato was in splotched onto his face and was almost completely bald except for four tufts of hair which he had tied up with rubber bands and thus they looked like pigtails.

And if you recognize these descriptions of these terrible fiends that the Baudelaires hadn't seen since the fire at the Hotel Denouement and you recall what wicked deeds they did in presenting evidence against the children and even before that how they had mistreated them during the Baudelaire's stay at the boring boarding school known as Prufrock Preparatory School when they'd been stuck in the Orphan's Shack then you'll understand completely why Klaus' face turned pale with horror as he looked at Mrs. Bass, Mr. Remora and Vice Principal Nero and knew that their trip would now be anything but pleasant.

_**Read and review please!**_


	4. Three

_**Three**_

Before I go any further to tell you what happened next whenever Klaus spotted Mrs. Remora, Mr. Bass and Vice Principal Nero it has occurred to me that I have never properly explained how it is that I came to meet the Duchess of Winnipeg and how we are now near and dear friends and write secret codes to one another from time to time for mere amusement or because there is a situation that has sprung up which requires us to do so.

My family and I used to spend our summers there at the Valorous Farms Dairy to visit my other relatives and both me and the young Duchess (at this time, of course; her mother was still Duchess and still chief editor of _The Daily Punctilio_) and I met whenever I had been playing a prank on a young woman in an attempt to get her attention

and had enlisted the aid of one of my other young associates who had been in rhetoric classes with me under the study of Professor Reed just as I had once been but was now receiving a degree to go study at the Orion University far past the Southern Coast and so would be leaving the Royal Garden and me and all of his friends behind but I convinced him to stay until the Monday past the anniversary of his parents whom he loved very much and had bought a gift for them which was a ticket to be onboard the _Pericles_

which other volunteers would also be joining on in a trip around the world to make it a quieter place which was the objective of our organization until the schism which sadly I was involved with particularly because in later years I had grown fond of the woman I had meant to pull the prank on right there in the Vineyard of Fragrant Grapes at the Winnipeg Estate,

but had mistakenly tossed the bitter tasting apple that my aforementioned associate had stolen from Isaac's study earlier in the day at the wrong person, heating my dear friend the Duchess right on the head. Whenever I had realized the mistake I had made while my former friend ran off to hide and disguise himself,

I went over to apologize to the young lady and then sub sequentially was invited to afternoon tea and became lifelong friends with her especially after her dear mother died and another less accurate editor was hired by _The Daily Punctilio_ and my life turned upside down on that fateful night whenever I tried to warn Beatrice of Count Olaf arriving to seek revenge and my parents died and I was presumed dead and also had to flee for my very life up until recently because of other crimes I had been accused of;

and the Duchess would occasionally contact either me or my sister or even another volunteer trying to find out what was going on in V.F.D. because her parents had once been leaders and now she was considerably behind in the times and would ask me because I was a spellchecker and so therefore clearly knew facts about things that others perhaps did not so she would thank me and try to invite me to tea so that we could discuss our favorite codes that we'd used that week,

and then eventually I confided to her my secret love for my co-star in the play that I had written which involved the sheep we had trained which had would later be lost for years and years after the terrible storm trapped the volunteers on that horrible island and she gave to me her most prized possession which had been passed down from generation to generation and told me something that I will never forget to this day and will always treasure especially considering the sad things that I have endured since that day that I proposed to you with what the Duchess of Winnipeg had given me and since the day much later that you returned the ring to me and my love remained unrequited and you died in a horrible fire, Beatrice.

But now I have grown so very lonely and so very sad and everyone that I have ever cared about is now forever gone so I must force myself to focus on things that are not quite as terrible, even if it does mean writing the unfortunate story of the Baudelaire children onboard the In-Finite Express and how Klaus Baudelaire spotted the three terrible teachers he'd not seen since the children's time at Prufrock Preparatory School, Mr. Remora, Mrs. Bass and Vice Principal Nero.

Just then, the volunteer fighting disease who had cheerfully been singing to the middle orphan just moments earlier walked in front of the teachers from that austere academy and began to sing his song.

The train attendant returned to get Klaus' order and silently pointed at the menu because the costume he was wearing prevented him from speaking and for a brief moment the middle Baudelaire wasn't sure to speak or to remain just as silent as this attendant.

Because he was afraid to say any word at all for fear that Mr. Remora might stop chomping on his banana and recognize him and Klaus was so surprised that he didn't even consider turning around to look at the oddly dressed man for the possibility that Mrs. Bass might spot him as her eyes continued to shift around the room and the well-read orphan did his very best not to tremble as he pointed at the first thing on the menu not evening glancing at it as he kept his gaze fixed at Vice Principal Nero who was trying very hard to mimic the volunteer fighting disease.

Once the banjo strumming V.F.D. member finished his long tune, Mr. Remora carelessly tossed his banana peel onto the floor, wiped his mouth and moustache which still had pieces of banana in it and then commented, "I don't know about you too but I am voracious!"

Mrs. Bass had apparently finished scanning the room for whatever it was she was looking for and said in a scratchy voice, "There are twenty-three people here in this miserable restaurant, and they are all approximately three and a half feet apart from one another." "_They are all approximately three and a half feet apart from one another_," Nero mimicked as he pointed toward a booth on one side of the rocking train and then said, "Someone get me a menu! I need to eat as quickly as possible so I can get back to practicing my violin."

Klaus didn't know what he should do as these villains walked toward him and then the train attendant tapped him on the shoulder and the middle Baudelaire nearly gasped in surprise as he turned about and saw that he had been given a box of food and he nodded, fumbling with what little change he had and then began to head toward the exit of the passenger car, hoping that neither Mr. Remora, Mrs. Bass or Vice Principal Nero would spot him and that nothing would make him stand out among the other people onboard the In-Finite Express.

Just then, the bearded volunteer fighting disease stepped in front of the fifteen year old and began to hum the first verse of his song,

_We are Volunteers Fighting Disease,_

_And we're cheerful all day long._

_If someone said that we are sad,_

_That person would be wrong._

But before the volunteer could recommend to Klaus to get a heart shaped balloon, the orphan proclaimed, "I would very much like having a heart shaped balloon."

"I thought you weren't sick," the bearded banjo player commented.

"I think I might have caught something," he replied and then pretended to cough and hoped that the overly cheerful volunteer would fall for it. The V.F.D. member smiled and then passed Klaus a heart shaped balloon and began to sing the next verse of his song and just as he began to explain how they would even visit patients with bleeding noses, Klaus ducked pasted him and then placed the heart shaped balloon in front of him so that none of the dangerous people would see him. He held his breathe as he passed the booth that Mr. Remora, Vice Principal Nero and Mrs. Bass were sharing and caught a brief snippet of conversation, the banana mustached teacher was saying to his cohorts, "They don't serve any bananas onboard this train! This is the worst trip I've ever been on."

"_This is the worst trip I've ever been on_," Nero mimicked with a snicker and then replied, "Just be glad you're not the one paying for the tickets!"

"I refuse to pay for anything because it so much better to be greedy and I do so enjoy counting money and measuring it," Mrs. Bass said as she continued to comment on the metric system.

"I just wish we still had jobs," Mr. Remora lamented and then added, "I miss teaching at Prufrock Prep and eating all the bananas I wanted and telling my stories to the children." "I prefer a life of crime, you know that it's 'In' right now! That's why it's called 'in'-justice," Mrs. Bass declared to which Nero mimicked, "_That's why they call it 'in'-justice_."

Klaus didn't stick around to hear the rest of the conversation and passed thru the Restaurant Car back to the Quiet Car and quickly went inside where all of his sisters were waiting for him. "Klaus! Where have you been?" Sunny asked as she sat on the side of one of the bunk beds and looked out the window of the In-Finite Express at all of the scenery as it went by. "I was about to go look for you," Violet remarked to her brother and then asked, "Did you find something for all of us to eat?"

It was then that his sisters noted how grave his face was and how pale Klaus seemed and the heart shaped balloon that he was grasping firmly in his right hand and Beatrice asked, "Ssenlli?" which probably meant, "Klaus, are you okay? It looks like you've seen a ghost.' Or perhaps, "Why are you holding that heart shaped balloon?"

Violet took the box of food from the middle Baudelaire's grasp and then asked, "Klaus, what happened?" The middle Baudelaire closed the door to their cabin, took out the key that he'd used to open the door; placed it onto the nearby counter and then sighed wearily as he sat down on his bed and recounted what had just happened to him onboard the In-Finite Express and since it would be boring for me to tell you precisely what Klaus said seeing as you've probably just read it all yourself,

I would recommend that you tend to some other activity while the middle Baudelaire told his siblings about the manicure car; such as cleaning the chimney.

And I would tell you to go and to retile your bathroom floor as Klaus explained how he'd requested to go to the dining room with Monday and then how the attendant had revealed that he couldn't go past the fifth car of the In-Finite Express and it would be pointless for me to recount how frustrated and irritated the well-read orphan was whenever he had to go back the way he had come thru the empty Neophyte Car and since you wouldn't be listening then I shouldn't remind you of how the middle Baudelaire met the Volunteers Fighting Disease and had also inadvertently crossed paths with the troublesome teachers from Prufrock Prep.

And once he finished telling them what had happened during the time he had been gone, it shouldn't surprise you at all to find that Sunny, Beatrice and Violet were all too stunned to even comment on this strange turn of events. "What do you suppose Mr. Remora, Mrs. Bass and Vice Principal Nero are doing onboard the In-Finite Express?" Sunny wondered.

The four orphans had clearly decided out of all the things that Klaus had gone thru, this was the most important and for the moment since no other developments had happened they would be correct.

"I recall whenever Frank or maybe it was Ernest… no wait, it was Dewey…sent me to check up on them during their stay at the Hotel Denouement that the atrocious violinist and those selfish teachers seemed to be involved in a life of crime," Sunny said and Klaus nodded and remarked, "Mrs. Bass seems very interested in injustice, she even claimed that it was 'in'."

"That's what Esmé always used to say about everything," Violet recalled.

"It wouldn't surprise me if those teachers were now robbers," Klaus commented. "It still doesn't explain what they are doing onboard this train," Sunny pointed out. "Xaler!" Beatrice growled, which probably meant, "And here I thought we'd get the chance to get away from the action!" or perhaps, "Maybe we should just stay in our rooms for the rest of the trip to wherever it is we are going!"

Which considering the circumstances wasn't a very bad suggestion and Violet, Sunny and Klaus considered for a moment whether or not it would be easier for them to stay in their rooms until the expedient express brought them to wherever it was they were going. But the older Baudelaires knew all too well that there were a great deal of questions that they didn't know, and some of those answers might be with Mrs. Bass, Mr. Remora and Vice Principal Nero,

particularly where they were headed since Gustav Sebald hadn't made this very clear and the middle Baudelaire asked, "Do you suppose they are also headed to the rendezvous?"

"I thought it was only for noble people," Violet commented. "But in the past our adversaries have discovered where we are headed before we have," Sunny pointed out, and none of them could argue with this point since it seemed that Count Olaf always had the upper hand whenever he had been pursuing them to steal their fortune a phrase which here means "the vicious villain would bribe Madame Lulu who used articles from newspapers to find out where the children were at".

"If they are, then Gustav and Lemony must not know about it," Sunny realized. "And the other noble individuals we are headed there may not know either," Violet realized and then asked, "Do you suppose anyone else we're familiar with might be heading to wherever we're going?"

"I don't know," Klaus admitted and then added, "It has been over a year since we've immersed ourselves in this wicked and mysterious world, it seems a lot has happened since we were gone." "So far we've only met dangerous and devious people who survived the fire of the Hotel Denouement," Sunny proclaimed and then added, "I wish I knew if Jerome Squalor had lived, or if Hugo, Colette and Kevin were still out there somewhere."

Just then, the youngest Baudelaire noticed something that the others did not and cried out, "Egassem!" which probably meant, "Klaus, Violet, Sunny! Someone has slipped something under our door!" or perhaps, "Quickly open the door to find out who it was that slipped that envelope under our door!" Violet and her younger siblings turned in surprise to look down at the emerald carpet and right over where the embroidered L.S. was at lay a small envelope.

The eldest Baudelaire bent down and picked it up and then quickly opened the door of the cabin and looked both ways down the corridor of the Quiet Car, but saw no sign of whomever had slipped the envelope under their door. "Do you think we should go and look around and find out who slipped this envelope under our door?" she asked as she looked at the blank packet and her brother shook his head and said, "Nero and those other two teachers are probably still in the Restaurant Car, so we can't go that way, and we don't know if they are not in the other cars onboard the In-Finite Express so we can't go the other way!"

"I suppose that is true," Violet conceded as she closed the door to their room and locked it back in place and asked, "Maybe this is a message from one of the train attendants?" "Let's open it and find out!" Sunny said excitedly.

The oldest orphan smiled and then ripped open the envelope and took out the piece of paper that was inside. As she unfolded it, she frowned because she had been expecting a message of some sort but had instead received a map. And at the bottom of the drawing were two simple words: 

**FOLLOW ME.**

_**Read and review!**_


	5. Four

_**Four**_

There is an old children's song that talks about a group of youngsters dancing and singing about in a similar fashion to what the Volunteers Fighting Disease used to do at the Heimlich Hospital before it burned down or onboard the In-Finite Express before a horrible accident derailed that train and it relates to how these adolescents would follow a leader wherever he would go high and low, to and fro and everywhere the wind blows.

Much like the song the bearded banjo volunteer played for Klaus only a while ago this song makes no sense whatsoever and is quite repetitive and annoying but it does not include obtaining a heart shaped balloon at the end of the final stanza.

The lessons both songs clearly teach is that it is foolish to follow someone because they have a good singing voice or because they are passing out heart shaped balloons cheerfully especially when the situation surrounding them is so dire that there is no need to be cheerful.

And the reason that I am mentioning this children's song isn't simply to inform you that if you were to spend a night at the opera and the play involved a chorus similar to this and to tell you to not go to that particular play but to point out the foolish of following a complete stranger, especially if you were already in a situation that called for you to be very careful.

The Baudelaires orphans were in just such a situation as they sat down on the bottom bunk bed in the room of the Quiet Car and examined a map that had just been slipped under their door.

And Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice were no doubt wondering if it was a good idea or not to follow the map as was directly indicated on the map in bold letters on the bottom.

The reason they were wondering was because of the middle orphan's recent encounter with Mr. Remora, Mrs. Bass and Vice Principal Nero from Prufrock Preparatory School in the Restaurant Car of the In-Finite Express, so they weren't sure who else might be onboard the emerald train as it continued on toward their destination, which none of the orphans knew because they had been following the instructions of their good friend Gustav Sebald who was following his instructions from a presumed alive man named Lemony who was following his instructions from his good friend who was following her instructions from her father who had come up with the idea one day while sipping tea and then experiencing a heart attack shortly after telling his daughter this splendid idea who relayed it to the dismal author who sent a coded message to the speech pathologist who passed the tickets to the Baudelaires.

So as Klaus, Violet, Beatrice and Sunny examined the map, they weren't quite sure what to do because there were so many questions that were on their mind already such as what connection their mother had to Count Olaf's parents and what had been inside the sugar bowl and why V.F.D. Used so many different codes and they now were forced with yet another question, which Sunny immediately voiced, "Who slipped this map under our door?" "I wish we had gotten a chance to find out before they slipped away," Klaus said.

"Was it a villain or a volunteer?" Violet asked and then added, "Perhaps the most important question is now that we have this map, do we follow it or not?"

This question was undoubtedly the most vital for the four children to consider because if it was Mr. Remora who had slipped the map under their cabin door then the Baudelaires knew that they would not follow it, but since it was also possible that their allies might be on the train as well, then the orphans knew that following the map might lead them to safety from Mrs. Bass.

But since Beatrice, Sunny, Klaus and Violet had no way of knowing for sure if it had been Vice Principal Nero that had slipped the map under the door, Sunny Baudelaire declared, "We should follow this map because it is pointless to sit here and do nothing."

"Besides which we don't want to be too late and lose vital information," Klaus added, alluding to the shattering of the sugar bowl which had happened during their stay at Lake Lachrymose.

"If I am reading this map correctly, its actually one of the train," Violet proclaimed as he looked at the drawing and that whomever had drawn it had made six rectangles that were drawn horizontally, one beside each other and within each there was a letter, from left to right, Q, P, O, N, M, and L and the rectangle with the letter L inside it was circled and the eldest Baudelaire stated, "I think whoever gave us this map wants us to go the passenger car that has an L on it?"

Klaus looked at it and said, "Oh this is based on the system that the In-Finite Express uses for their passenger cars. There are precisely twenty-seven passenger cars, each represented by a letter of the alphabet."

"But there are only twenty-six letters in the alphabet," Sunny pointed out to which the middle Baudelaire replied in a sarcastic tone, "Exactly."

"What is represented by the letter L?" Violet asked, which in itself is an interesting question because there are quite a few things represented by the letter L, such as limes, lemons, lice, launch pads, libraries, leeches, lakes, lizards, lights, lockers, letters, lions, ligers, lamps, lumber, lithographers, lexicons, luminaries, lollipops, love, ladders, Lumber mills, lines, leprechauns, leviathans, lookers, lighthouses, lopsided lampposts, lazy librarians, lost leashes, lackeys, limbs, lawyers, layers, lasers, lox, Lemony, luggage, llamas, laundry, lead, leather, legislators, lemmings, leases, limits, lobsters, locomotives, looking glasses, logos, luaus, lynxes, love potions, Louisiana, lockboxes, linoleum, lunchboxes, linebackers, leaves, and lettuce.

But none of these things were what Violet Baudelaire was inquiring about because she was particularly interested in the luscious letter L laminated on the letter that they had found and Klaus answered, "That's the Lounge…When Monday took me there she said passengers go there to relax."

"Radnelac!" Beatrice said which probably meant, "That certainly is an odd name," or perhaps, "Does that name sound familiar to you three?" Klaus, Violet and Sunny however were too busy concerning themselves with the mysterious map they'd obtained to be worried about the train attendants and Sunny stated, "Well I guess all we can do is head to the lounge and find out which passenger slipped this map under our door."

"We should avoid Mr. Remora, Mrs. Bass and Vice Principal Nero at all costs," the middle Baudelaire advised as Violet took the key to their room and placed it in her pocket, then reached down and picked up Beatrice; who would've much preferred crawling to where they needed to go, and then alongside her siblings exited the cabin of the Quiet Car.

The four Baudelaires all kept close to one another as Sunny opened the door to the next car of the In-Finite Express and together they followed the map they had been given thru the Neophyte Car, the Manicure Car and into the Lounge Car. As they entered the larger passenger car, Klaus and his sisters gazed around at all of the patrons who were lazing around the lounge and wondered which of them might've sent them the map that they'd just been following.

"I don't recognize anyone that we've met," Sunny commented. "Well as we have learned during our stay at Lake Lachrymose the second time around, there are members of V.F.D. that we haven't met yet," Violet commented, referencing the two Sebald siblings they had met at the Anxious Clown diner, Gustav and Sally.

"If there are V.F.D. members onboard this train I certainly hope it isn't those ridiculous Volunteers Fighting Disease," the former toddler said as the Baudelaires found a booth to sit in and looked around once more trying to see someone that they recognized.

There was a man reading an article in a fancy magazine, but the children noted that he had cut out all of the coupons on each page thus making the magazine not look so fancy at all, and there was a woman drinking a coconut cordial and laughing uproariously at some strange joke her companion had made and there were two women who were fighting over which of their umbrellas was larger and two men who were observing the scenery as it went by thru the window and there was one man off in the corner whom the Baudelaires couldn't see but seemed preoccupied making a drawing of something and had his back turned to the rest of the lounge and there was one of the train attendants, the dirty brown haired man; walking thru the lounge observing each person. Violet whispered to Klaus, "Do you suppose he is the one who slipped this map under our door?"

The middle Baudelaire looked at the attendant with the scar on his right cheek and replied, "I'm not sure how we would find out." Violet Baudelaire placed the map in her pocket and then bravely chose to go and ask the attendant about it.

The tall lanky attendant was pushing a trolley that would be quite large in any of the other passenger cars but here in the lounge he was able to swivel it with ease. He was pushing thru the middle of the Lounge car as Violet approached him and then immediately noticed what was on the cart, stacks of _The Daily Punctilio_'s latest article which had the headline:

**Baudelaires Burn Beautiful Bistro!**

The eldest Baudelaire immediately realized that the train attendant was planning to give out this newspaper article to everyone in the lounge and knew that if any of the patrons onboard the In-Finite Express read the grossly inaccurate newspaper that they would spot the children right away.

And if they did find the orphans immediately then Violet wouldn't have time to explain how it hadn't been them who had burned down the Anxious Clown and Klaus wouldn't be able to explain how that the diner was anything but beautiful and Sunny wouldn't even begin to get a chance to explain that the café wasn't called a bistro, although that is a fancy way of saying "a place where they serve terrible food such as the one that was right behind the car that the Baudelaires were staying in onboard the train".

So whenever the dirty brown haired man looked down at Violet Baudelaire with his clean green eyes, the eldest orphan felt extremely nervous that he might notice her picture there in the article on top of his trolley.

"Can I help you?" the attendant asked staring down at Violet. "I'm sorry, I was just trying to find someone here in the lounge," she answered, to which the attendant replied, "Well everyone who is anyone rides aboard the In-Finite Express, most of them stay in the twentieth passenger car, where all of our suites are located."

"Do you know of anyone who enjoys drawing?" Violet asked, hoping to keep the man's attendant on her rather than on the stack of newspapers in front of him.

"Oh certainly I know a great deal of artists and architects and painters and people who think they can draw but don't really know how," the attendant replied with a smile. "Are any of them onboard the train?" Violet wondered to which the dirty brown haired man answered, "I'm afraid I don't know who is on this trip. In fact I don't even know who you are. Who are you?"

The eldest Baudelaire tensed and wasn't sure what to say and then the attendant nodded and said, "My sister told me that we had quite a few members of that silly singing group onboard the train, that must be who you are. Well, sister; I don't understand why you don't tell people your name it is rather suspicious especially when there are villainous people around and it's also common courtesy to do so."

Violet wasn't sure what he was talking about but replied, "But you haven't told me what your name is."

"I was just getting to that, you should also realize it is rude to interrupt an adult whenever they are talking… but since you are just a child I would let you off the hook. My name is Thursday," Thursday said and then smiled and said, "Now do you where you're going?"

This question that the train attendant asked was perhaps the most frustrating and deep question that he could've asked because Violet literally didn't know where she or her siblings were going because Gustav Sebald had failed to tell them before he jumped on the back of a fire truck and vanished from sight.

But more than that, neither Violet nor Klaus nor Sunny or even Beatrice truly knew where they were headed. Ever since they had been inducted as members of V.F.D. it became clear to the four children that the fire-stopping side of the organization was still not doing as well as the fire-starting side.

But both her and her siblings were trying their hardest to find out just what was going on in the wicked world around them since an entire year had elapsed.

Yet so far they had been too busy running for their lives from dangerous villains, authorities and fires to even get a second wind, a phrase which here means "get onboard a train where villains were not present so that they could actually get much needed relaxation."

So whenever the train attendant named Monday asked Violet where she was going, the eldest Baudelaire may have considered all of these factors, because it was obvious that allow the Baudelaires were onboard the In-Finite Express and they were headed toward a rendezvous of noble individuals, they had no idea where this was or what would happen whenever they got there; and might I add that it won't be pleasant. So really Violet had no idea where she was going or why for that matter, and she had no clear answer that she could give to Monday and was forced to respond, "I'm sorry but I don't really know where we're headed."

The dirty, brown haired attendant looked at her in surprise and then remarked, "You know I feel like I have seen you somewhere before." I

It was then that the oldest orphan's heart skipped a beat because Thursday looked down at the trolley he'd been pushing and noticed the stacks of magazines he'd been intending to pass out here in the lounge and undoubtedly noted the similarity between the picture in _The Daily Punctilio_ and the girl standing right in front of him, seeing as it was in fact the same individual and Monday seemed to stare at her wide eyed for a moment, and was perhaps about to say something but he never did.

The reason that he never did though was because someone intervened and told the train attendant, "I do believe there are quite a few people looking to obtain this magazine back in the Suite car. You should head there immediately."

Thursday looked at Violet Baudelaire a second time before choosing to do as he was told and trudging off thru the train, pushing the trolley slowly as he went; it's wheels squeaking until he was out of sight.

Under normal circumstances, Violet might've felt inclined to thank the person who had told Monday to head to the Suite car of the In-Finite Express, but the circumstances for her and the other Baudelaires had been anything but normal since joining V.F.D. because now onboard the emerald luxury express the children were once again face to face with a very dangerous individual who would surely do them harm and Violet wasn't about to say thank you or anything else for that matter to this wicked villain who was now standing in front of her.

In fact if the lounge hadn't been so crowded I'm quite sure the eldest orphan would've wanted to gasp in shock at seeing Mister Dominic again and she definitely knew that their time on this trip would be anything but stagnant, a word that here means "being onboard a train apart from Mister Dominic."

_**Looks like the orphans are going to get a crash course! read and review!**_


	6. Five

_**Five**_

Termites are small insects that enjoy devouring wood. Some people tend to confuse them with ants, but this is not the case because clearly termites are termites and ants are ants and there is a difference, the main being that termites enjoy eating wood.

They are so small that it is often difficult to see them unless of course you happen to be right there watching them as they devour the piece of wood that they find so appetizing, and if you have ever lived in the woods or in a cabin or have been part of a secret organization who built its headquarters out of special emerald lumber than you recognize just how pesty these pests can be.

It may surprise you to learn that there people in this world who enjoy studying these irritating insects, although such people can be just as irritating as the insects that they are studying.

I recall once during the weekly afternoon tea party that V.F.D. held Olivia and I were discussing the advantages of training lions rather than salmon, whenever another associate of ours; who happened to share my initials, came over and began to explain how vital it was that we consider training crickets and termites and the debate we had continued for about an hour until Mrs. Caliban came to the realization that her daughter was missing and then chaos broke loose.

The man standing in front of Violet Baudelaire was not a termite, but he was every bit as persistent, irritating, annoying and troublesome as those bugs can be and much like the insects I have aforementioned; Mister Dominic tended to show up at the least opportune time, a phrase which here means "just about any time he did show up was the least opportune time"; in the Baudelaire's lives.

And apparently the callous counselor they'd met at the Very Fine Dwelling was thinking the same thing in regard to Klaus, Sunny, Violet and Beatrice as Thursday trekked away with his trolley and he remarked, "You children are just as irritating as termites; always showing up at the worst times."

Klaus replied, "We could say the same you! You're a foul wicked person who is always causing more tragedy!" Mister Dominic's eyes seemed to gleam slightly in rage toward the middle Baudelaire before he finally answered, "Be glad that annoying attendant is here in this lounge, orphan, otherwise I would be inclined to throw you from this train."

No longer feeling brave, Klaus slumped back behind his sister and Mister Dominic muttered, "How did you get onboard this train?"

"Gustav paid for our tickets," Violet answered quickly before Sunny or one of her other siblings made the mistake of revealing that Lemony had been the one to buy the tickets for them, because the eldest Baudelaire recalled that the fiend in front of them had some knowledge of this mysterious companion of Sally and Gustav Sebald and therefore didn't to risk exposing him to Mister Dominic.

"I should've guessed that Gustav would do something like that," Mister Dominic's traveling companion remarked, whom the children just now noticed. The children hadn't seen Professor Edwick in quite some since they'd escaped V.F.D. And were on the run, but the fat gray bearded scientist looked just the same as he did before, wearing the same checkered sports coat and also seemed just as uninterested in the Baudelaires as before.

"So then you're heading there are you?" Mister Dominic said with a nod and then commented, "What makes you think you'll make it there before me? In case you haven't noticed, we're all on the train together, orphans."

"We will expose you to Monday or one of the other train attendants!" Sunny declared to which Mister Dominic laughed and replied, "One of those insipid isolationists? You go on ahead my dear Sunny, but I warn you there will be consequences if you choose to do so."

The way that the wicked man spoke was enough to confirm that he wasn't joking, although usually wicked people don't tell jokes anyways except for ones that are so horrible and so terrifying that you would probably be awake for days and days sobbing in fear over these jokes. So the Baudelaires knew all too well that the villainous Mister Dominic was dead serious whenever he next said, "If you expose me to the train attendant I will simply do the same to you four children."

"This is called mutual assured destruction, orphans," Professor Edwick said from behind his atrocious associate and Violet, Sunny, Beatrice and Klaus knew that he wasn't joking either because they had heard of such things before especially during wartime.

During such treacherous times, whenever one kingdom or nation was fighting another; the orphans were no doubt aware that the reason the fighting ceased is because of each enemy agreeing that if the other fired on their soil or building that the other enemy would do the exact same and in the end they would both be hurt, and so therefore both destroyed; thus making the war rather pointless… although admittedly not many wars do have a point.

But what Mister Dominic and Professor Edwick were telling the Baudelaires was all too clear for them to understand, if the four siblings chose to alert Thursday to the fact that they were onboard then these vile villains would alert Thursday to the fact that the Baudelaires were onboard the In-Finite Express and it would be mutual assured destruction. "What's it going to be Baudelaires?" Mister Dominic asked, smiling to show his perfectly brushed teeth.

"We didn't see you onboard the train…and you didn't see us," Violet answered. Professor Edwick seemed to chuckle at this and he remarked, "Did you hear that, Dominic? I think the girl has gotten the picture!"

"They are smarter than they appear to be," the villain admitted and then leaned down to the Baudelaire's level and whispered, "If I were you I would simply go back to my room and lock your door and not venture anywhere else onboard this ludicrous locomotive."

Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice didn't have to be told twice what to do, and returned the way they had come without hesitation. They heard Mister Dominic and his companion chuckle wickedly as they passed from the lounge to the Manicure car and then the buzzing of clippers and the shouts of angry patrons at the barbers drowned their wicked laughter out.

None of the four siblings said a single word as they passed thru the three other passenger cars, until at last they reached cabin 778 and Violet took out her key and then the Baudelaires went inside and she made certain to lock the door shut.

Once they were inside, the children sighed in relief; glad to be away from the deceptive and deceitful Mister Dominic and his apparently evil companion Professor Edwick. The eldest took out the map that they had been following and stared at it for a moment and asked her three younger siblings, "Do you suppose Mister Dominic drew this map?"

"So that we would bump into him in the Lounge?" Klaus guessed. "But he did seem surprised to see us," Sunny pointed out as she let her adopted sister get down and Beatrice began to crawl around the cramped cabin as best as she could. "Well that train attendant certainly wasn't the one who did or he would've told us," Violet pointed out.

"Maybe whomever drew this map suddenly spotted Mister Dominic and then hid?" Klaus wondered.

"Or maybe it was Professor Edwick and he is only pretending to be Mister Dominic's ally?" Sunny asked.

"I think that is a stretch of the imagination, Sunny," Violet replied, to which her younger sister answered, "But we found out at the theater that at least one of the powder-faced women who was in Count Olaf's troupe was our ally, who is to say that isn't the case with Professor Edwick?" "If anything, he is quite oblivious to what is going on around him," the middle Baudelaire observed.

"I wonder where the two of them went to board the In-Finite Express?" Violet muttered. "We have no idea which other towns this train stops at, and Mister Dominic did leave Lake Lachrymose before we did," Sunny pointed out.

Klaus nodded and said, "I think the most important thing we have learned is that he is heading toward the same destination we are."

"Well we are all on the same train," Violet replied. "Elona," Beatrice commented, which probably meant "I would've preferred to be on a different convoy away from the wicked man" or perhaps, "We should just stay in our room like I suggested previously."

Whenever their adopted sister had made this suggestion before, the Baudelaires hadn't been listening intently enough; but now they had their full attention on their adopted sister because they had to consider whether or not she was right. "How can we be sure that Mister Dominic isn't plotting something wicked while we are onboard the In-Finite Express?" Sunny asked and then added, "He obviously didn't draw us this map, so that must mean that some noble volunteer did!"

"What are you getting at, Sunny?" her brother asked and the former toddler explained, "If Mister Dominic comes to realize that there are other volunteers onboard the train he may decide to do something foul…"

It didn't take any time at all for her three siblings to guess as to what the former infant was referencing and Klaus, Beatrice and Violet all felt rather uneasy at this suggestion, because they recalled that the dastardly villain had stolen the Medusoid Mycelium from Anwhistle Aquatics only days earlier and had then used it on Sally Sebald and burned down the dismal diner the Baudelaires had been working at.

So it definitely was not a stretch of the imagination to presume that Mister Dominic still had this dangerously poisonous fungus at his disposal and might choose to use it on the unsuspecting passengers of the In-Finite Express.

Violet and her younger siblings knew all too well that if their adversary did use the malicious mushroom that within an hour everyone onboard the train could be dead and Klaus realized that this sort of wickedness was right up Mister Dominic's alley, a phrase which here means "the middle Baudelaire wouldn't put it past their nemesis to infect everybody on the train with the Medusoid Mycelium."

"I think we can all agree that we don't want that to happen," Violet said as she sat on her bed and then remarked, "Maybe we should simply warn one of the attendants about this matter?"

"But if we do, then Mister Dominic will do the same thing," Klaus realized. "But we can't just stay in our room with the door locked like cowards!" Violet told the younger Baudelaires, and then decided, "However it probably isn't a good idea for all four of us to be walking the passenger cars at the same time."

The middle Baudelaire had been studying the map that they'd received under mysterious circumstances ever since they returned to their cabin and Klaus seemed intent on coming up with some idea that would surely save them all. Sunny, Beatrice and Violet all kept quiet as their brother examined the map and then finally, Klaus said, "This map has given me a brilliant idea!"

"What might that be, Klaus?" Sunny asked. "There is no way that Mister Dominic could be carrying the Medusoid Mycelium around with him, so our archenemy must've hidden it in his luggage," the middle Baudelaire explained. Violet and her younger sisters looked at each other in confusion and Beatrice muttered, "Nialpxe!" which probably meant, "Klaus, we all know that you are well-read; so we don't quite understand what you mean!" or perhaps, "That's all well and good, but how do we find that fearsome fungus!"

"I was thinking that one of us could map out the entire express," their brother answered.

"But what about Mister Dominic and Professor Edwick?" Violet countered. "We know that the villains can't expose us because if they do, we'll expose them," Klaus answered and then added, "We will act like we are strangers on a train."

"But you're forgetting about those three troublesome teachers from Prufrock Preparatory School! They could be in any one of the twenty-seven passenger cars!" Sunny pointed out. "I know that this is a risky plan, but if we find the luggage compartment we can try to get rid of the Medusoid Mycelium before Mister Dominic even considers using it," Klaus explained to his siblings and then added, "I know the most about maps, so I think maybe I should go."

"Perhaps you could do what you did before Klaus and use one of the heart shaped balloons from a member of V.F.D. to hide your face if you come in contact with Mr. Remora, Mrs. Bass or Vice Principal Nero?" Violet suggested.

"I'll figure something out," the well-read orphan said, trying to assure them that everything would turn out all right; and his three siblings desperately wanted to believe this. Because they all knew that the answer to their problems was definitely not to stay in their room with the door locked as Mister Dominic had suggested, although I'm sure that is precisely what I would've done had I been in their shoes; not simply because I am frightened of Mister Dominic because obviously everyone is but also because I am dreadful at making maps and also don't enjoy hearing termites eat wood.

But thankfully the middle Baudelaire was brave enough to consider venturing into the other twenty-six passenger cars and also smart enough to draw a map of the In-Finite Express and also unaware of the fact that someone had chosen to bring termites onboard the train, but would be aware of that very soon.

Termites are small insects that enjoy eating wood, and they do so nonstop especially if there is wood that they prefer; and if you find a certain type of these insects than you know that some types prefer a brand of wood that is a certain shade of color such as emerald and will chow down on it as soon as they can sink their teeth into it, as I learned not too long ago whenever I returned to Paltryville and realized that some of the termites had gotten free and most if not all of the lumbermill was gone entirely and shut down because of reasons I wasn't aware of at the time, because I was sorely missing my brother and had thought that he'd come here to investigate the murder of Dr. Orwell alongside Detective Smith and Detective Jones and Detective Smithjones, but had failed to catch up with my dear brother before his unfortunate demise at the hands of V.F.D.

The lumbermill itself had been entirely devoured by a particular type of termite that lived in the nearby Finite Forest and enjoyed chopping the emerald lumber from the trees that this lumber originates from and if my guess was right, were also the very same termites that had been so poorly trained years ago and were now on the wrong side.

The Baudelaires thankfully wouldn't have to shed any tears for the loss of their brother whenever he ventured outside cabin 778 and wouldn't have to worry about dangerous detectives or mobs onboard the In-Finite Express, but they would have to deal with termites very very very very very soon. Klaus walked out of the Quiet car to the Restaurant to speak with the attendant who was dressed like a smelt about obtaining something to write with and instead found the frilly haired woman was cleaning up for the day.

"Oh I'm sorry but the restaurant closes at three o'clock in the afternoon everyday," Monday explained and then smiled at Klaus and asked, "Did it take you this long to find the nineteenth passenger car?"

The middle Baudelaire smiled hesitantly back at the train attendant who was busy wiping down tables and then answered, "Actually I was wondering if you could direct me as to where the luggage compartment is at?"

"Certainly, sir; I think most of our luggage is kept in the Inventory car but it is against the rules to open any cargo onboard the In-Finite Express," Monday answered.

"I understand, I wasn't intending to open anything at all but was merely curious," Klaus answered. "A well-read person such as yourself would probably be that way," the frilly haired woman said with a nod. Klaus looked at her and asked, "How did you know that I enjoy to read?"

"Well everyone onboard our train loves to read, it's a simple fact. I'm surprised you haven't asked where our library is at," Monday said with a chuckle. Klaus' eyes beamed at the idea of getting to be in a library again since it had been quite a while since the last time they'd been to any archive whatsoever; and whenever he and his siblings had been at the Very Fine Dwelling they'd not had time to look thru the jumbled archive because an unfortunate event occurred, a phrase which hear means "please read the first story of the Baudelaire's terrible time back in the wicked world to understand how vicious and vile Mister Dominic is."

"Do you happen to know where the library is at?" "Well actually the In-Finite Express doesn't have a passenger car that focuses on books, because the Burning room is using the letter B already," Monday answered. Klaus' enthusiasm drained as she told him this and then the middle Baudelaire asked, "So I'm guessing that the Inventory car is only for luggage?"

"That's right," the attendant said as she finished cleaning the final table and replied, "But please be careful not to knock over any luggage because that could be rather disastrous."

"I'll keep that in mind," Klaus assured her and then trekked back to the Quiet car. He passed thru the Neophyte car and the Manicure parlor, which was also shutting down for the day and went thru the Lounge and breathed a sigh of relief; because Mister Dominic and Professor Edwick were no longer there and the lounge was actually quite empty.

Most of the passengers had apparently chosen to go to other activities onboard the train and Klaus wondered how many people were actually onboard the In-Finite Express. As he came to the other side of the lounge he passed to the next passenger car and nearly ran into another attendant, this one looked much older than either Monday or Monday and Klaus wondered if he was friendly or fiendish as he stepped in front of him.

"Where you headed to?" the man asked as he adjusted his apron and finished stirring his stew and Klaus realized that this was apparently a kitchen, which fit in with the odd system that the train adhered to.

"I'm trying to get to the Inventory car, sir," Klaus answered. "Well don't get in my way, several passengers of our train have requested my amazing sea cucumber soup and I don't want to disappoint them," the older gentleman answered and then went over to turn off the stove and added, "Just go thru the Junction car and then on the other side you'll find the Inventory. But don't mess with anything in there!"

"I understand," Klaus said and then asked, "I don't suppose it is too late to order a meal from you is it?

"Of course not! Never too late for a good bowl of piping hot soup! And I guarantee you won't spill any!" the attendant answered. "How do you know that?" the orphan asked, to which the older attendant answered, "It's our policy! We get you here to there, without the mess! Didn't you read the emblazoned letters on the side of the Open car whenever you boarded?"

Klaus realized that it would be pointless to mention that this policy didn't actually guarantee that no one would spill their soup but nodded and said, "If you could prepare four bowls of your sea cucumber soup I'd be very thankful."

"Certainly! Coming right up sir," the attendant said with a smile, apparently eager to finish the meals he'd been preparing. Klaus moved to the other side of the Kitchen car and opened the door to the next chamber which was oddly empty save for a map on the right wall. The middle Baudelaire went to examine the map in the Junction passenger car and realized that it was a diagram of the train he was currently on. There were twenty-seven rectangles all in a row from left to write, each with a letter of the alphabet in the middle and the one marked J was highlighted and right below it were the words: YOU ARE HERE.

The well-read orphan realized that this was exactly what he needed to use to map out the In-Finite Express, but also knew that the luggage compartment was only one passenger car ahead of him so he chose to examine the map at a later time. Klaus entered the Inventory car and was quite surprised to find that there was luggage everywhere, on the wall of the car up to the ceiling on the floor in front of him; all jumbled and apparently disorganized where that anyone who wasn't careful could trip and fall or knock over one of the bags of luggage and then be crushed by it; which will happen in this story.

The middle Baudelaire immediately knew that it would be impossible for him to search thru everything to find the Medusoid Mycelium and he felt his hopes dwindle at this realization.

Yet then Klaus understood that if he couldn't make it to the Medusoid Mycelium, wherever it was hidden; then Mister Dominic couldn't either. With this reassurance, Klaus closed the door of the Inventory car and then began to walk back toward the kitchen; pleased with this realization. The older attendant had just finished making him some sea cucumber soup and exclaimed, "Come and get it while its hot and spicy!"

The soup sloshed around in the bowl that he was holding as he put all four of them onto a tray and stated, "Did you find what you were looking for in the Inventory car?"

"Yes I think I did," Klaus said with a smile, took the tray; thanked the attendant and then made his way back thru the other passenger cars to his room. Outside the windows of the In-Finite Express, the sun was beginning to dip toward the western horizon and the middle Baudelaire realized that soon night would fall and he yawned widely at this realization.

Off in the distance he could catch sight of a wide mountain range that the train was apparently going to be traveling thru and thought back to his time in the Mortmain Mountains and how he and Violet had to fight off snow gnats and the middle Baudelaire was glad that here onboard the In-Finite Express such bugs weren't present.

And of course it is my pleasure to say that there were no snow gnats in any of the bags of luggage that Klaus didn't get a chance to look thru, but sadly there was a box which had the words: FRAGILE! DON'T! OPEN! On it and inside this crate that was obscured from sight were equally dangerous and irritating bugs that would make the children's time on the train even more troublesome.

Because termites are very small insects, and they enjoy devouring wood and a particular type such as the one onboard the In-Finite Express prefer emerald lumber… which if you didn't already know; the entire train was built out of.

_**what will happen next for the Baudelaires! Find out soon! read and review please!**_


	7. Six

_**Six**_

If you have a pen handy, I would suggest you take it out and mark thru a particular statement I made in the previous chapter whenever I assured that the Baudelaires would not be facing a mob while they were onboard the elite express that was traveling toward their unknown destination, because the very next morning that is precisely what the four siblings had to face whenever someone knocked loudly on their door and Violet woke up to see whom it was.

Opening the door slightly, the oldest orphan peered out into the corridor to see Monday was standing there in her emerald uniform but was no longer smiling pleasantly and Violet realized that something was definitely wrong. "What's going on?" the eldest Baudelaire asked.

"I'm afraid one of our passengers has reported that some of his luggage has gone missing, so we're checking with the rest of the passengers to see if they are missing any luggage as well," Monday answered and then looked into cabin 778 and spotted Klaus and said, "I recall that you went to the Inventory car to check on your luggage, is that correct?"

"No I was just trying to find the passenger car where the luggage was stored, none of us brought anything onto the In-Finite Express," the middle Baudelaire answered groggily, and had he not been so tired from trying to sleep the previous night he might've considered his words carefully before responding to the attendant outside their cabin.

The reason that Klaus didn't is because sleeping on a train can be quite difficult especially whenever it goes uphill or downhill or it turns or it bumps something underneath the tracks or it moves at all in any fashion whatsoever.

The momentum of the mighty metal machine that Klaus and his siblings were riding was so forceful that none of the children had managed to get a good night's sleep and they were beginning to realize that even though their accommodations were now reasonable; that it still didn't help them to get the rest they needed.

But the reason that the middle orphan should've thought carefully about how to respond to Monday was because of how suspicious it sounded to the attendant, who then remarked, "It seems rather odd of you to ask where the Inventory passenger car is at if you don't have anything there in it."

"My brother enjoys trains and it has been very long since we've rode one," Violet explained quickly. The attendant looked at all four of them curiously and then remarked, "I think that it'd be best if you came with me."

Klaus and his sisters knew that it would be suspicious if they refused to go along with Monday s the Baudelaires left cabin 778 and followed the frilly haired woman.

"I've roused the rest of the passengers and have asked that they proceed to the Lounge where Donald can question everyone," Monday explained as she and the Baudelaires passed thru the Restaurant and came to the Suite car and knocked on the door.

After a few more knocks, the train attendant remarked, "Usually this room is unattended because it is reserved for someone. I'm guessing he didn't make it onboard the train." "You'd have to be pretty wealthy to have an entire cabin car reserved for yourself," Sunny observed.

"He is one of our regular passengers, but oddly I don't think I've ever gotten his name. He is always in such a rush you see, and then locks himself in his room until we arrive wherever he wants to go. Very odd fellow, and usually I don't bother him but these are extraordinary circumstances," Monday answered and then pulled out a ring of keys from her pocket and began to fumble with them to find the correct one.

Once she had, the attendant opened the cabin door confirming that the passenger had failed to board the In-Finite Express. Then Monday opened the door to the next passenger car and the Baudelaires immediately heard the screeching sounds of a violin.

If you had been onboard the train, which I am hoping that you weren't, then I'm sure you would've recognized this atrocious attempt at playing the violin just as Klaus, Violet and Sunny did and even though she'd never heard the violin in her life Beatrice could immediately tell that this wasn't how it was supposed to be played and said, "Elbirroh!" which probably meant, "Whomever is practicing that violin should seriously consider taking up another hobby!" or perhaps...well actually I'm fairly certain that is what she said.

Her older siblings knew right away that the violin player was practicing to be the greatest in the world, and that he would never even come close to being that.

Monday knocked on the door and a gruff voice said, "What do you want? Don't you realize I'm in the middle of an important rehearsal!"

"I'm very sorry to interrupt you sir, But I'm afraid there is a crisis," Monday answered. "_But I'm afraid there is a crisis_," the man behind the door mimicked and then opened it wide which caused all four of the Baudelaires to stand perfectly still because as you may have guessed by now the passenger poorly playing the violin was Vice Principal Nero.

He was wearing his pajamas still, which was a shirt and slacks both covered with pictures of snails and he'd not put the rubber bands in his hair for the morning so the four tufts of hair looked even worse than they usually did and his narrow eyes glared at Monday before the teacher barked, "No crisis is so important that it must interrupt me practicing the violin!"

"I'm sorry but it's just as I informed these children, everyone onboard the train is being gathered to the Lounge because someone's luggage has gone missing," Monday answered.

Nero probably would've mimicked the train attendant had he not been staring down at the Baudelaires and the Baudelaires were staring back up at him.

They hadn't seen each other since the fearsome fire that the Baudelaires had helped Count Olaf with at the Hotel Denouement and Sunny, Klaus and Violet could immediately tell that the teacher from Prufrock Prep wasn't pleased to see them.

"I suppose my violin rehearsal can wait for the moment," Nero conceded, which is something he would never say; and Monday nodded and said, "Very good, I'm glad we have an agreement. Now where are the other two teachers who were staying here in the Teacher passenger car?"

Nero didn't even answer, his beady eyes were looking straight at Violet and the eldest Baudelaire wished that they would look elsewhere because it was quite unnerving for her to be stared at by this terrible teacher. Once it became clear that the Vice Principal wasn't listening to her, the frilly haired woman gestured toward the next passenger car and said, "I think there are only a few more passengers we need to alert."

"_I think there are only a few more passengers we need to alert_," Nero mimicked as they entered the next passenger car where apparently the attendants had gathered an assortment of junk.

There were strainers and top hats and treasure chests and door knobs and pillow cases and toothbrushes and vanities and stamps and flower vases and refrigerators and faucet handles and cords and one left shoe and light bulbs and blinds and alarm clocks and rugs folded up and plastic bags and notebooks and seashells and hair spray and one right sock and collars and vacuums and old tires and silverware and clippers and tubas and glasses and watches and neckties and rotary phones and pieces of armor and picture frames and camera lenses and spray bottles and canned soup and coin counters and one pair of pants and certificates and coupons and presents unopened and fruitcake and scales and blindfolds and tea cups and hazard cones and cups and spatulas and pieces of twine and missing buttons and puzzle pieces and crayons and pencils and stoves and wallpaper and xylophones and yesterday's news and quilts and kilts and weather vanes and turbans and pinwheels and washing machines and water bottles and chocolate cake and a garden hose and peppermints and hall passes and jambalaya and zithers and belts and rumpled shirts and just about everything else that the train attendants could fit into the passenger car.

In fact there was so much junk that it was difficult to pass thru the room and Klaus thought back to the Inventory car and wondered if this car served a similar purpose.

Even though both Monday and Monday had insisted that each of the twenty-seven cars of the In-Finite Express served a practical purpose, both Sunny and her siblings were beginning to wonder if that was even true. Vice Principal Nero remained eerily silent as they moved to the next passenger car, and Violet wondered what dangerous scheme he had in mind next.

The next passenger car was filled with members of V.F.D. all practicing their tunes and as Monday, Nero and the Baudelaires entered their leader; the bearded banjo player was saying:

_We sing and sing all night and day,_

_And then we sing some more._

_We sing to boys with broken bones_

_And girls whose throats are sore._

_Tra la la, Fiddle dee dee,_

_Hope you get well soon._

_Ho ho ho, hee hee hee,_

_Have a heart shaped balloon._

"I'm sorry to interrupt but I need all of you to come with me please. And no I don't want a heart shaped balloon," Monday said even as one of the V.F.D. members passed her one. "_And no I don't want a heart shaped balloon_," Nero mimicked.

"Is someone sick?" one volunteer fighting disease asked. "Actually a passenger is missing some luggage," the frilly haired woman answered.

"That is even more dire," another volunteer concluded. The Baudelaires were too busy watching Vice Principal Nero to be concerned about the missing luggage and too concerned about what he might do as they passed thru the Undecided passenger car where all of the junk I aforementioned was at.

They went all the way thru the alphabet until they arrived at the Lounge where Monday had gathered the other passengers, all of whom were particularly cranky to be woken up so early. Mr. Remora wasn't eating a banana, which was out of the ordinary and whenever he spotted the Baudelaires he immediately cried out, "I know exactly who is behind all of this thievery! It's those children! They would make certain that a luxury express like this didn't serve bananas!"

Just as he finished making this statement, Mrs. Bass, whose hair was even more disorganized than usual proclaimed, "These orphans have been nothing but trouble since we left Prufrock Prep! I should've realized Coach Genghis was right about them!"

"All right everyone please settle down," Monday advised as the clamor continued to grow louder. "We don't really know who took what, but we do know that at least one passenger is missing some luggage," Monday added. "I bet it was these bratty children," another passenger agreed.

"_I bet it was these bratty children_," Nero mimicked and then the train attendant with the hoop earrings said, "Is the passenger who is missing the luggage here?"

"I am," a voice said from the back of the lounge and the four orphans turned in surprise to see who it was. Professor Edwick approached Monday and Monday and adjusted his checkered sports coat and commented, "My termite collection has gone missing!"

"A termite collection? How very odd," Monday commented.

"_How very odd_," Nero mimicked and then added, "I bet it was these orphans who stole it! They are responsible for a great deal of troubles!"

"Excuse me sir but are you saying you know these four children?" Monday asked him. "Of course!" Mr. Remora declared, glaring down at Violet and adding, "This one was in my class and I do believe she never loved bananas!"

"You four do look awfully familiar," Monday conceded, to which Professor Edwick said, "I've never met these four in my life, but they do appear to be dangerous."

"Is there anyone sick on this train?" a volunteer fighting disease asked. "But that's not true at all!" Sunny probably wished she could say, but didn't get the chance because the noise of the mob in the lounge was growing louder. "But all of these people are criminals, not us!" Klaus wanted to yell, but was too scared to say anything with such a large group of people against them.

"But we don't know anything at all about a termite collection!" Violet no doubt wanted to exclaim but held back because the mob was already getting quite rowdy, a word which here means "ready to throw Klaus, Sunny and Violet from the train."

"I think I have a sensible answer to this crisis," another voice chimed in above all of the clamor, and everybody quieted down as they turned to see who had spoken.

Violet and her younger siblings probably would've been thankful under ordinary circumstances that someone had stopped this crowd from throwing them off of the train, but I'm fairly certain that none of the children were pleased to see that it was Mister Dominic who was striding thru the Lounge and smiling slightly at them.

"_I think I have a sensible answer to this crisis_," Vice Principal Nero mimicked, but one icy glare from Mister Dominic caused the teacher to fall silent, and the Baudelaires wondered how their archenemy was able to cause fear to all of those around him.

Sunny might've thought back to the dangerous villains whom she'd first met on top of Mt. Fraught, the devious judges from the High Court who were apparently Mister Dominic's close allies; and knew that those individuals had exhibited an aura of menace.

It seemed that their nemesis was apparently able to do the exact same thing because everyone in the room had fallen silent whenever he'd spoken and even Nero felt uncompelled to say anything or attempt to mimic anything further. "What do you think would be the wisest suggestion?" Monday asked, turning to the dastardly villain.

"It would seem that everybody feels these four children are responsible for the theft that this man is reporting," Mister Dominic commented and then added, "So the most sensible thing would be is for these children to be forced to search for the missing luggage. If they have stolen it, then they will find it just as easily."

There were murmurs of agreement from the crowd at this supposedly sensible suggestion that the Baudelaire's adversary had made and Violet tried again to object saying, "But there are certain places onboard the In-Finite Express which we can't get to."

Then Klaus spotted the older attendant who had served him stew the previous night and said, "You can ask that man! He knows that I didn't take anything from the Inventory passenger car."

The older attendant shrugged and said, "I've never seen him before." "_I've never seen him before_," Nero mimicked and then stated, "Well I certainly have and I know that these four children are nothing but failures! Especially the youngest because she was a sorry secretary."

Sunny knew that the Vice Principal was referencing her time as his employee, but also recognized that the teacher wasn't aware that she was now not the youngest of her siblings; but Beatrice was. The frilly haired woman turned to the orphans and conceded, "This passenger has come up with the most reasonable solution to this crisis."

The crowd had apparently chosen to agree with Mister Dominic and Monday stated, "If they are going to be exploring our fine train they need to have attendant uniforms."

The mob that had been ready to toss the children from the In-Finite Express began to disperse and soon only the troublesome teachers from Prufrock Prep, Monday, Thursday, Professor Edwick and Mister Dominic were in the Lounge, as the others chose to return to their rooms, and even the V.F.D. members had finished singing their song and passing out all of their heart shaped balloons and left the room.

"It looks like you should thank this man for sticking his neck out for you four," Monday commented and then she and her associate went off to get a uniform for each of them.

"Why did you do this?" Violet asked Mister Dominic.

"_Why did you do this_," Vice Principal Nero mimicked to which Mister Dominic snarled, "Shut up, you twit." The teacher was apparently going to say something else, but wisely chose not to as the dastardly villain smiled at Violet and proclaimed, "My associates and I have a lot of work that we want to do onboard this luxurious locomotive and we can't have a mob of people breathing down our throats while we do it. The loss of our trained termites is a setback for us and we need you to find them for us."

"You mean someone did steal them?" Klaus asked in surprise.

"Of course, do you think I'd fib?" Professor Edwick asked. "They must've stolen the bananas as well," Mr. Remora concluded. "I think we've already that if you help us we won't alert the train attendants as to who you four are," Mister Dominic commented and then Sunny asked, "What is it you want us to do?"

"We're going to rob this train, you idiots," Mrs. Bass commented and then Mister Dominic nodded and stated, "And you four orphans are going to help us."

**_Trouble is going at full speed for the orphans! stay tuned to see what happens next! read and review please!_**


	8. Seven

_**Seven**_

The expression "getting away from it all" is one that I mentioned in the foreword of this horrendous story that you are apparently enduring and it is one that I feel I need to expand upon, a phrase which here means "tell you further about it so that you understand why you need to get away from it all, particularly the very book that is explaining to you what this phrase means."

Oftentimes in our lives we feel the need to take a trip on a train or some other form of vehicle to get away from our current circumstances and to go to circumstances that aren't quite as current, some people tend to call this getting away from it all; even though getting away from it all is actually a ludicrous idea because you can never actually get away from it all.

So really whenever someone says that they want to get away from it all they don't literally mean they want to get away from it all since getting away from it all would mean getting away from it all and thus impossible, as I aforementioned; but rather they want to get away from whatever circumstance they find quite unpleasant in light of a different situation that might not require them to get away from it all.

The Baudelaires literally needed to get away from it all in the most absolute definition of this phrase that I can think of, which here means, "Away from Mr. Remora, Mrs. Bass, Vice Principal Nero, Professor Edwick, Mister Dominic and all of the other vicious and villainous people that hoped to exploit them."

Yes Klaus, Sunny, Beatrice and Violet needed to find somewhere away from their current circumstances onboard the In-Finite Express and get away from it all just you dear reader need to get away from this book and thus get away from all of the many unfortunate things that have yet to befall the Baudelaires that are so numerous I cannot even begin to list them and instead get away from it all by boarding the next train and not sitting there on the bench waiting for the train to arrive and reading story but tossing it back onto the track where you probably found it and going about your business which was surely much better than the tragedies you've already read about.

Because if you read one more sentence in the terrible trip the four siblings experienced onboard the In-Finite Express I'm sure you will find yourself wanting to visit the closest dentist and have your teeth pulled just so you can endure something that isn't quite as painful as enduring this woeful tale of the Baudelaires.

Mister Dominic had just finished telling Klaus and his sisters how they would assist in the dastardly plan both he and his cohorts had to rob the train they were all riding on, and both the middle Baudelaire and his siblings were too stunned to even say a thing.

Their nemesis smiled thinly and combed his perfectly shiny hair and remarked, "I can see that the idea of stealing is rather new to you children…but I have gathered from your time with Count Olaf that you were able to assist burning down several locations, isn't that right?"

Violet, Beatrice, Sunny and Klaus all wished that the notorious villain wasn't right, but sadly they couldn't argue because they had been forced to help Count Olaf burn the Caligari Carnival whenever they'd been disguised as freaks and then later how they had assisted him in destroying the Hotel Denouement in order to escape a mock trial. Both instances, the Baudelaires tried to tell themselves that they had no choice in the matter; but honestly there were many times that Sunny and her siblings looked back on these occasions and wondered if they could've done things differently.

During their stay at Madam Lulu's House of Freaks for example, had they not been so interested in uncovering secrets of V.F.D. maybe they wouldn't have joined Olaf's troupe and if the children hadn't been trying so hard to clear their names which had been a gross injustice on the part of the editor at _The Daily Punctilio_ and other individuals who felt that they were villains and not volunteers; then maybe they wouldn't have assisted Olaf in opening the Vernacularly Fastened Door and wouldn't have chosen to burn down the Hotel Denouement; although they reasoned that doing so would provide a signal for Kit Snicket and the other members of V.F.D. who hadn't arrived yet.

But the fact of the matter was that they hadn't made these choices and they'd been trying to survive dangerous fires and equally dangerous villains, so whenever they had made these choices the children had made a split-second decision, an expression which here means "Sunny, Beatrice, Klaus and Violet had been trying to save themselves and their allies whenever they performed these callous deeds and so therefore felt this was a reasonable explanation as to why they did although oftentimes they looked back and wondered if this was the case."

"We were not assisting Olaf," Violet proclaimed in defiance to Mister Dominic and then her brother added, "And we're definitely not going to help you!"

"_And we're definitely not going to help you_!" Nero mimicked with a sneer and then added, "Oh yes you will! Have you forgotten that we can easily ensnare you four without worrying about it? That mob that gathered could be back here in a heartbeat!"

Klaus and his sisters knew that the Vice Principal wasn't joking, and Mister Dominic added, "And of course let's not forget I have in my possession the Medusoid Mycelium." This time it was Sunny who was feeling rather brave and proclaimed, "Don't waste your breath! We know you couldn't have boarded the train with it! You hid it in your luggage!"

Mister Dominic's eyes were shiny for a moment as if he considered what the former toddler had just said to be amusing and then laughed and remarked, "Do you think you're really that smart? I wouldn't be so foolish as to put it in the sight of everyone onboard this piece of junk!"

The Baudelaires felt a little disturbed by his confidence, because they had been confident of their confidence that he hadn't been holding the Medusoid Mycelium close by but now they weren't so confident because Mister Dominic was confident.

"So as you can see, you filthy orphans, you have no choice but to help us!" Mrs. Bass stated with a sneer and Mr. Remora added, "And while you assist us perhaps you can find some bananas."

Just then Monday and her brother returned with some uniforms for the children and Mister Dominic added, "Please stop by my cabin in the seventh car of this tremendous train, the Guest car; and I'll be sure to give you your first assignment."

"We'll help any way that we can," Thursday said enthusiastically and his sister stated, "We certainly don't want another mob onboard this luxurious locomotive."

Mister Dominic smiled wickedly and then both he and the terrible teachers from Prufrock Prep left the Lounge. Violet wished that her and her siblings could inform the train attendants about the dangerous scheme these villains were plotting, but she knew better than to mess with Mister Dominic because of the several occasions where the vicious villain had wrought havoc on their lives already.

Thursday passed them each a uniform and added, "Unfortunately since you are now members of the In-Finite Express's employee staff this means that we'll have to take the key to the room you were staying in." "But if we don't have a key where will we stay?" Sunny wondered aloud.

"As employees you'll obviously stay in the Employees only passenger car right past the Filing car," Monday answered with a smile and added, "I'm so glad that we found some that fit you four. I don't believe we've ever had children work on our train before."

"Now even though your main objective is to find that passenger's missing luggage, there are plenty of other assignments you might need to fulfill during your time as attendants," Thursday told them.

"I'm more interested in knowing how we'll get into the Employee passenger car without a key!" Klaus pointed out, to which the frilly haired train attendant responded, "You needn't worry one bit about that, there is a passenger car onboard the train where all of the spare keys are kept. If you go there I'm sure you'll find what you need."

Before the Baudelaires got the opportunity to ask them where this was, the lanky attendant remarked, "Now the rest of us have other assignments we need to fulfill before we reach our destination, so I believe now would be a good time to say farewell until this evening. I hope you've found the luggage by then."

Monday went off in one direction whereas her brother chose the other and in a matter of a minute the Baudelaires were entirely alone but sadly not away from it all like they desperately wanted to be.

"I can't believe that Professor Edwick would bring a termite collection onboard a train made entirely of lumber!" Klaus blurted out as they walked over to one of the booths and slipped on the emerald uniforms over their ordinary clothes.

"I'm more curious about who took it. Do you suppose a volunteer did?" Violet asked as she adjusted the sleeves of her new uniform. "Or maybe Mister Dominic and his cohorts are lying?" Sunny suggested. "Esahcesoogdliw!" Beatrice commented, which probably meant, "I bet that Sunny is right and we're just wasting our time!" or perhaps, "Shouldn't we be searching for the Medusoid Mycelium instead of a silly termite collection?"

"Maybe we can do both?" Klaus suggested and then added, "Since there are four of us we can each take a portion of the train and search it." "That seems like a reasonable suggestion, Klaus," his older sister said nodding with approval and then asked, "Didn't you mention that there was a map in the tenth passenger car?"

"That's right, the Junction car; that was the only thing there," Klaus said with a nod. "It seems foolish to have an entire cabin with nothing but a map in it," Sunny remarked.

"The system that the In-Finite Express uses makes very little sense, I admit," the middle Baudelaire commented and then said, "But I think the wisest thing to do would be to head there first."

His sisters didn't object to this and so once all four of them had finished putting their uniforms on, including Beatrice; which might I add it is a rather odd thing that a train should include clothes in the infant's size but the Baudelaires didn't trouble themselves with this matter even though it might've been important but then again many things are important that we don't trouble ourselves with.

For example right now I am supposed to be enjoying afternoon tea at a local diner where one of my associates enjoys going, but since I don't particularly enjoy the food at this diner I am not troubling myself with the fact that my associate might grow mad and search for me seeing as I am currently riding on top of a bus trying very hard not to fall off as it goes thru the middle of town toward a building where I am thinking that I left something that is in fact troubling me, so since another matter is troubling me and I just lost a page of an important document due to a gust of wind; I must now get off of the bus at the next possible stop which I think should be any minute now and must retrieve that paper which probably found its way to the Fountain of Veritable Finance and so I am troubling myself with that rather than reaching my destination or reaching my ally who buy now probably already left and chose to go somewhere else or coming looking for me or do something else entirely and so I can't possibly trouble myself with that matter whenever other more troublesome matters trouble me.

So as the Baudelaires passed thru the vacant Kitchen, Klaus decided not to trouble himself with why the train attendant had failed to identify him earlier and all four of the Baudelaires arrived at the Junction car and the middle Baudelaire examined the map which encompassed the entire right wall. Violet and his younger sisters remained silent so that their well-read brother could examine it and then he finally stated, "I think the safest thing to do would be for two of us to head toward the Waterbed passenger car, which is the last one that is properly identified."

"That's an odd name," Sunny observed.

"No different than the Open car or the Unidentified passenger car that we went thru earlier," Violet remarked. "Or even the Quiet car where we're staying," Klaus added. "Actually I think that has to do with the slogan of V.F.D. remember? The world is quiet here," Sunny mentioned, to which Violet replied, "I suppose that would make sense, but does that mean that this train is being run by volunteers?"

"Well the twenty-second passenger car onboard the In-Finite Express is called the Volunteer passenger car, do you suppose that is just coincidence?" Klaus asked. "Probably because that is where the Volunteers Fighting Disease were staying," Sunny remarked.

"I certainly hope they are not members of V.F.D.," Violet stated and then added, "I wish I knew where to start, I wish that Falo was here."

"Or Uncle Monty," Sunny added.

"Or our parents," their brother said sadly, which caused all of them to grow silent and to reflect on how dismal and depressing their lives had been since their parents had died; and even Beatrice knew that her young life had been fraught with many dangers since they'd left the safety of the island, a phrase which here means, "The Baudelaires had met Mister Dominic."

So they all wished desperately that they could get away from it all by going back to the time whenever their parents had been alive, whenever they hadn't had to worry about unfortunate events and terrible secrets and twisted logic just as I wish I could get away from it all by not writing the tragic tale of the Baudelaires at all but by choosing another profession perhaps returning to my studies at the Orion University or some other place that isn't picky about needing birth certificates.

But sadly I realize that if I don't chronicle the story of the Baudelaires then no one will and so therefore I realize that I cannot get away from it all just as Sunny, Beatrice, Violet and Klaus couldn't get away from it all onboard the In-Finite Express.

"Beatrice and I can handle that," the former toddler offered as she picked up her adopted sister and added; "Besides if we head to the Waterbed passenger car, we can be farther away from Mister Dominic." Klaus and Violet didn't blame their younger siblings for wanting as far away from their sinister nemesis as possible and so agreed to this decision and Klaus said, "I think I shall try to figure out where the keys are being kept, it must be in the Filing passenger car."

"I certainly hope so," Violet remarked and then followed her brother thru Inventory; making certain not to knock anything over. "Klaus, I've been thinking… if there are other volunteers onboard the In-Finite Express and they are the ones that sent us that map… why would they direct us to the Lounge where we bumped into Mister Dominic?" she asked aloud as they entered the next passenger car, which was apparently nothing more than a long narrow corridor with windows on both sides.

Klaus was looking out the windows and noting how dark it was and realized that the train was probably passing thru a cavern in the mountain range he'd seen yesterday. He was so fascinated by this that he hadn't heard what his sister had said and muttered, "I'm sorry, Violet; what did you say?"

"Why would one of our allies arrange for us to come to the Lounge if they knew that Mister Dominic was onboard the In-Finite Express?" she replied with a sigh. "Well there are several possibilities," her brother remarked and then explained, "It's possible that our friend knew Mister Dominic was on the train and sent us there to warn us, or maybe he had wanted to arrange a meeting with us and then Mister Dominic happened to show up."

"I wish I knew why they were keeping themselves hidden from us, what we need right now is more information," she told him as they reached the end of the long Hallway passenger car, and Klaus replied, "Maybe the Filing passenger car will have that as well?"

"I doubt that, Klaus; whomever our ally is they just boarded the train like we did and probably learned we were onboard by means of Thursday or his sister," Violet remarked. "Thursday seems familiar, have we met him before?" "I don't know, but we should get to the sixth passenger car right away to look thru those files," the eldest Baudelaire said as they passed thru the next car and Violet heard laughter in one of the cabins and realized that it was Professor Edwick and Mister Dominic. Leaning close to the door, she told her brother, "Go on ahead, I'll catch up with you."

I wish desperately that Klaus had stayed there and snatched his sister away for what she heard was the most disturbing thing she'd ever heard the two villains discuss, but sadly Klaus chose not to do this even though that is precisely what I want to write, I cannot get away from it all and instead am forced to write that Violet overheard Professor Edwick say, "Soon we'll have everything we need to steal back the Baudelaire fortune!"

"I think you misunderstand, my friend," Mister Dominic said in a darker tone and then said something that I wish Violet had never heard and had gotten away from it all, the villain proclaimed, "It was the Baudelaires who stole it from us! So soon we'll have what we need to have justice be served!"


	9. Eight

_**Eight**_

The next time you are at an amusement park with your family, choose to ride on one of the attractions that goes around and around in circles extremely fast and then once you have gotten out of this contraption, perhaps you will understand why it is that sometimes people say that they felt that their head was spinning.

Of course I'm sure you realize that it is impossible for your head to spin about three hundred and sixty degrees just like an owl's does, because we are not made like owls and I'm sure you'd know this if you read a book on owls which is surely far more interesting than this sorrowful tale of the Baudelaires.

At any rate, the eldest orphan felt like her head was spinning whenever she overheard Mister Dominic and Professor Edwick talking just a few moments ago, and I'm sure if you were in her situation your head would be spinning as well, a phrase which here means "Violet Baudelaire was completely shocked to hear that their nemesis was speaking to his ally about her parents having stolen the very fortune she one day hoped to inherit."

And the reason this disturbed the oldest orphan so greatly was because the last time she had checked, her parents were noble people and not greedy thieves; such as Mister Dominic no doubt was. Immediately, Violet sprinted to the next passenger car of the In-Finite Express where her brother was looking thru the files to tell him of this, but Klaus was too absorbed in finding what he needed to hear what she had to say at the moment. "One second, Violet," he told his sister, "I think I may have found where the extra key is at to the other passenger cars onboard this train."

"But none of that matters, Klaus! I just overheard Mister Dominic and Professor Edwick talking to one another," his sister objected. Klaus turned his head toward her and asked, "What is it that they were discussing?"

Violet was still trying to piece the words together to even explain it to her brother and finally proclaimed, "Mister Dominic is plotting to steal our fortune!" The middle Baudelaire sighed and commented, "So he really is no different than Count Olaf, I'm not really surprised."

"But Klaus if you'll let me explain there is something else that you need to know," Violet told him.

"What is it?" the middle Baudelaire asked. "Mister Dominic told his cohort that he was planning on stealing the fortune _**back**_…as if it _**belonged**_ to him," the oldest orphan stated. Klaus no doubt felt his head spin just as Violet had felt hers spin some moments before, and her sibling paused in what he was doing to give her his full attention.

Once his head had stopped spinning, the middle Baudelaire commented, "Well he must've been lying." "But how could he have been lying?" Violet asked. "He knew you were eavesdropping and so told his associate something so shocking that was a complete and utter lie," Klaus answered, trying to convince himself of this fact.

If you've ever tried to convince yourself of something that you know is not true, then I'm sure you'll find the practice quite difficult. For example, I once tried to convince myself that my good friend had not become a villain and that he was not plotting to burn down the mansion of my beloved; but sadly just because I was trying to convince myself of this fact did not mean that it was true because shortly afterward he did this very deed and so convincing myself of some other fact had done no good whatsoever.

Now Klaus was trying to do the very same thing with his sister; a phrase which here means "convince Violet that she had heard Mister Dominic wrong or that their archenemy was trying to trick them into believing something that was false." But the eldest orphan stated, "But how would he know that I was eavesdropping?"

"All right then, he was lying to Professor Edwick," Klaus decided.

"But the Professor is his close companion," Violet pointed out. "There are wicked people, and they lie to one another all the time," her brother countered and then added, "At any rate we can't worry about that right now when the entire train is trying to label us as criminals already." "I suppose…" Violet said reluctantly, not wanting to drop the subject; but also realizing how uncomfortable and unpleasant it was to discuss wicked people and their wickedness.

In fact every single time I am forced to right about Mister Dominic's heinous henchpeople or his wickedness I find myself becoming squeamish and trying to find a nice safe place to hide; because to me there is nothing more unpleasant than a dangerous villain especially one whose motives aren't entirely clear.

Oh how I wish that I could avoid more unfortunate events in the Baudelaires lives that I regretfully chosen to investigate for a second time and how I wish that my editor hadn't insisted that I tell the full story because the full story is so remorsefully unnerving and so bittersweet that no amount of convincing can convince me that the outcome for the children the second time around will be any better than the first, but sadly I've already used quite a bit of ink to chronicle their adventures so it would pointless to try and slip in the words the end right now in the middle of this story because surely most readers would realize that it wasn't the end but rather a ploy on the part of this author to try and get you to stop reading this story altogether.

But then it is also possible that there are those few unfortunate people who are merely at the bookstore perusing this volume out of sheer curiously. If that is the case, then the story goes as this; Klaus, Violet, Sunny and Beatrice stayed on the train which led them to a wonderful land of happiness and met all of the people that they hadn't seen in quite a while and Mister Dominic was arrested and all the questions the children had been searching for were answered.

_**THE END**_

But since something that would never work except on someone who thought that this was one of those books that randomly puts the end in the middle and the middle at the end; I am forced to continue to tell the Baudelaires' story during their time on the In-Finite Express. At this point however, I must change gears a phrase which hear means "stop telling you about what Violet and Klaus were doing and move to the back of the train where Beatrice and Sunny had just made it to the twenty-third car onboard the trudging train, which was designated the Waterbed passenger car" and tell you what occurred whenever they made it there.

The two youngest Baudelaires were tired from walking all the way from the Lounge, so they sat down on one of the waterbeds to relax; but soon found doing so wasn't easy. And if you have ever tried to sleep on a waterbed than I am sure you know precisely why that was. So instead of doing that, Sunny commented to her younger sister, "You know it seems odd that this is the last passenger car that is properly identified. Do you suppose there is something hidden on the next four cars?"

"Sseug?" Beatrice answered, which probably meant, "I'm not familiar with how trains work, but I do know that the alphabet only has twenty-six letters; whereas this train is said to have twenty-seven passenger cars" or perhaps, "I really haven't any clue at all, do you?" Sunny looked down the other side of the Waterbed passenger car, where the door to the twenty-fourth car was at and decided, "I suppose it couldn't hurt to find out. Anywhere away from Mister Dominic is definitely safe."

The former toddler and her adopted sister moved to the door and Sunny opened it with ease, only to find that the next car was apparently empty. As the two Baudelaires examined it, they realized that this was the case and Sunny said, "How odd for them to use this system and not have anything in this car."

"Erofeb!" Beatrice said, which probably meant "But they did the same thing in other cars onboard the train!" or perhaps, "I'm beginning to think that this entire locomotive is impractical!" Sunny moved to the next passenger car and found much the same as she had in the last, and once she had arrived at the twenty-sixth car she told her adopted sister, "Well I guess that we wasted our time coming back here, Mister Dominic didn't hide the Medusoid Mycelium back here; and there is certainly no termite collection."

"Tsal?" her adopted sister replied, and Sunny answered, "I don't see the point in going to the final passenger car when all of these were empty. If there is anything back there, it's probably just a caboose?" Beatrice wasn't convinced and so tugged on her adopted sister's pant leg until finally Sunny conceded and decided to go to the final passenger car and investigate.

Once she arrived at the door she pulled on it to open it, and found that it was locked shut. "Well that is rather strange," Sunny commented. Beatrice remained silent and was trying to look under the door, whenever Sunny stated, "Why would this room be locked and none of the others were?"

The former infant tried the handle again, but the door didn't budge and so Sunny told Beatrice; "I bet someone has hidden something back here! Let's go find Violet and Klaus!"

Picking up her adopted sister, Sunny began the journey back toward the direction that she had come eager to tell Violet and Klaus about the discovery that she had made, because she was convinced that by this time her brother and sister had managed to find a key to the Employees only passenger car, so if they had then that meant that there must also be a key to the final car of the In-Finite Express.

If you are convinced just as the two youngest Baudelaires were that all of their answers lie in the final passenger car of the train that they were traveling on and that the children would not have other unfortunate events to deal with; then I encourage you to close this book now and to make that conclusion rather then read any further whenever Klaus and Violet and Beatrice and Sunny joined up with one another and then Mister Dominic confronted them outside his room.

Because I am totally convinced that the children's lives will continue to get more and more miserable no matter how convinced you may be of the exact opposite and am also convinced that convincing you of this fact is probably impossible even if I were to inform you that the end of the story was now and not later.

So since that obviously won't work, I must instead continue to chronicle the Baudelaires' story and hopefully you'll become convinced that the orphans miserable time on the In-Finite Express is about to become even worse. Klaus and Violet had not succeeded in finding a key, they had looked thru every file in the Filing passenger car and all they had found were documentations on how to operate the train and how to stop the train and how the supposedly ingenious system that the locomotive used had been invented by a lover of grammar, but not a single file on keys or secrets or V.F.D. or even ERT, which the children hadn't heard about since their departure from the Anxious Clown diner.

And whenever they met Sunny and Beatrice; the two younger Baudelaires were hoping that their siblings had found something of importance but sadly they soon discovered that this was not to be the case. "Sunny! Beatrice! Did you find the Medusoid Mycelium?" Klaus asked.

"Violet! Klaus! Did you find a key to the twenty-seventh passenger car?" Sunny wondered as they met up.

"I'm sorry, we didn't find a single thing," the eldest Baudelaire admitted. "All we found was that the very last car of the In-Finite Express is locked and we couldn't go any further," Sunny stated.

"I bet the Professor's termite collection is back there," Klaus decided. "Or that fiendish fungus," Violet commented. "What's all that noise out here?" a voice said and the four siblings all stood still as they realized that they had chosen to talk right outside Mister Dominic's door.

The wicked villain opened it and then gazed down at them and remarked, "About time you made it here Baudelaires. I told you to come earlier and yet you dilly-dallied around. What sort of volunteers are you?"

Klaus, Beatrice, Violet and Sunny all looked at one another in confusion as the dangerous man commented, "Come inside, we have a lot to talk about." They knew that since they were all onboard the same train that it would pointless to flee, so Violet bravely walked into the Guest car first; and her siblings nervously followed.

Mister Dominic closed the door once they were all inside and then remarked, "The Professor and I were just discussing matters before you arrived. And we find it rather convenient that you four have come onto the train now so that you can do the dirty work for us!"

"You mean rob the train," Klaus commented. "Don't be ridiculous, Klaus. I couldn't care less what those insolent instructors want; I thought you children would know by now that my plans are bigger and broader than that," the villain said with a smirk and then sat down on the edge of his bed and remarked, "You Baudelaires have always had a knack for sticking your noses into other people's business and you are tenacious as termites; I've tried to dispose of you at least twice so far and it seems to me that it isn't working."

"Since we're all on this train together, it only seems fair that we all work together," Professor Edwick commented as he ran his fingers thru his beard.

"Or you'll alert Thursday or his sister," Violet pointed out. "I'm trying to make an offer to you obstinate orphans!" Mister Dominic said angrily and then calmed down and remarked, "The point is you four are quite resourceful, and I could use that in the days to come. Violet, don't you recall what I told you back at Lake Lachrymose?"

he eldest Baudelaire didn't say a word, since she hadn't shared the private thought that Mister Dominic had made to her at the Lavender Lighthouse; but didn't feel that this was the proper time to share it either. Sadly, Mister Dominic felt that it was and turned to the other Baudelaire orphans and stated, "I asked your sister whether or not she was sure she was on the right side of the battle."

"We're certainly not going to join you!" Klaus commented. "So quick to make such a decision? Are you going to be just as stubborn as your parents were, Baudelaires? Let's not forget what happened to them in the end," Mister Dominic remarked and then added, "And besides I think you've learned already that they weren't as noble as you thought that they were. So why are you not following in their footsteps?"

"We're not helping you with your evil schemes!" Sunny declared. "Good and evil are always so easily mixed up, but I am warning you orphans; if you do resist this offer than I will see to it that you die onboard this train," Mister Dominic snarled.

"We love and respect our parents, and we know that they would never want us to help in your dangerous plan," Violet declared as she picked up her sister and then began to leave. "Very well, Baudelaires; I won't judge you for making such a rash decision. You are children, after all. But I insist that everything I have ever said about your parents is entirely true," their nemesis stated and then as the four siblings left his quarters, Mister Dominic added, "Don't you ever wonder where that lovely inheritance came from?"

Slamming the door closed on the Baudelaires, the children heard him and Professor Edwick laughing and then silently Violet and her younger siblings returned to their quarters, broken and defeated because they had still failed to find any clues whatsoever. It wasn't until they arrived at the Quiet car that the children recalled that Monday had taken their key and so they had nowhere to sleep and they all felt rather tired. Sunny then said, "Maybe we can sleep on the waterbeds in the twenty-third passenger car?"

The Baudelaires were still so shocked by what Mister Dominic had done; but agreed to this suggestion and headed there. All the while, the four siblings tried to convince themselves that they had made the right choice; that their parents were good people and that Mister Dominic was a wicked and insidious man. And I'm sure you know by know that this sort of convincing is not really convincing at all and so the sleep that the children got I'm quite convinced; was anything but peaceful.


	10. Nine

_**Nine**_

Failure is a word that the Baudelaires were becoming quite familiar with, and it is a word that I myself have used to describe their situation along with the one that affects me each and everytime I think back to better days when my beloved Beatrice was still alive.

The Baudelaires felt that they were failures for a great many reasons, because they had failed to save Uncle Monty and they had failed to rescue Aunt Josephine and they had failed to prevent the death of Dr. Orwell and they had failed to protect the Quagmires at Prufrock Prep and they had failed to stop Esmé Squalor from pushing them into an elevator shaft and they had failed to save Jacques Snicket from a dangerous town and they had failed to prevent the Library of Records from going up in smoke and they had failed to uncover the secrets that Madam Lulu had to offer and they had failed to save the Snow Scouts atop Mt. Fraught and they had failed to find Captain Widdershins or his adopted daughter and they had failed to prove to all of the volunteers that the dangerous judges at the Hotel Denouement were allied with Count Olaf and they had failed to stop Ishmael and the islanders from leaving them stranded on the island and then they had failed to prevent the fire at the Very Fine Dwelling and they had failed to save the powder-faced woman from the fire at the Ned H. Rirger Theater and they'd failed to find out what was inside the sugar bowl at the Anxious Clown diner and now they had failed to find the missing luggage onboard the In-Finite Express or to figure out just what Mister Dominic was after.

Yes the many unfortunate events that the four children had faced made them feel like failures, and Klaus, Violet, Beatrice and Sunny felt that they were failures because of all the things that they hadn't accomplished, just as I feel that I am a failure because I failed to warn the Duchess of Count Olaf's presence or how I failed to send a carrier pigeon to the correct location or how I failed to believe that you could write a two-hundred page book on the reasons that we couldn't be together, my darling Beatrice.

So the word failure if you looked it up in the dictionary might likely have my picture beside it, or even the Baudelaires' if it was one that the children had published; but the fact of the matter was that Klaus and his sisters were not failures even though the many unfortunate events they dealt with made them feel like such.

The reason I can say this is because a failure tends to give up all together and is a coward and someone who even thinks that faking their own death is a good way to stay hidden, but the children hadn't given up all together; and they were certainly not cowards and none of them had attempted to fake their own deaths; so therefore the Baudelaires are not failures even if they themselves feel that they are.

And the reason I am telling you all of these things dear reader is because in much the same way that the children weren't there to stop Stephano from murdering Uncle Monty or prevent Captain Sham from drowning Aunt Josephine or figure out in time that Klaus was hypnotized by Shirley or realize that by running Coach Genghis' S.O.R.E.'s that they were unable to save their friends or notice the lot being taken out of the Veblan Hall by Gunther's henchmen or grab a hold of the ladder on Hector's Vertical Floatation Device before Detective Dupin shot them down or find all the pages to the Snicket File before Matthias burned it down or convince the freaks that they weren't freakish or stop Carmeletia Spats from joining their enemies or prevent Fiona from joining up with her brother or save Dewey or stop Ishmael or warn the volunteers or the audience or Sally Sebald, that very soon the children would not be able to save Thursday in an unfortunate event that will befall the train attendant and will again believe that they have failed.

Because the very next morning, Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice all felt their heads were spinning whenever they awoke in the twenty-third passenger car of the In-Finite Express and found lying there on the floor another well drawn map, detailing somewhere on the train that they needed to go to. Violet leaned down and picked up the drawing and noted that this time there were only the letters R, S, T, U, V, and W on it; and the letter R was circled and at the bottom of the map the words this time were: _**GO HERE**_.

She passed it to her brother who commented, "That's the Restaurant, the Bistro Smelt; do you suppose it is a trap?"

"Last time we followed a map it led us straight to Mister Dominic," Sunny pointed out.

"And we should be focusing on finding Professor Edwick's termite collection, not being led into more dangerous situations," Violet decided as she examined it again. "But we still don't know if a villain or a volunteer made this," Klaus commented and then added, "We do know that no one we've met so far is responsible for the theft of the termites."

"If they really were stolen," Sunny commented. "I'm not convinced anything Mister Dominic says is true," Violet said as she reflected on a recent conversation she had overheard between their nemesis and Professor Edwick. "We should show this map to one of the train attendants," Sunny decided. "But what if they're against us?" Klaus asked.

"We can't do this all on our own!" Violet pointed out, to which her younger sister commented, "I wish Falo hadn't chosen to abandon us." "I'm convinced that a lot of people have chosen to abandon us," Klaus said sadly. No one made a comment after this remark, until at last Violet roused Beatrice from her sleep and then stated, "If we're going to find the Medusoid Mycelium and stop Mister Dominic we can't do it here. I'm convinced that the reason he made that offer to join his side last night is because he is convinced that we are a threat to him."

"You're right Violet, let's head to the Restaurant and see what we can find," Klaus said, and then the four siblings got off of the uncomfortable waterbeds and started toward the eighteenth passenger car of the In-Finite Express. The volunteers fighting disease were already up and humming their cheerful tune, and the bearded volunteer was explaining, "Whenever we arrive at our next destination there will probably be a lot of sick people who need a heart shaped balloon.

And as they passed thru the assortment of detritus in the Undecided passenger car, Violet wished that they could take the time to look thru it all so that she could invent something that would help them.

They heard Vice Principal Nero practicing his violin, as terribly as ever; in the Teacher passenger car and Sunny was quite glad that she would never have to work for that horrible man again.

They didn't hear a sound at all in the empty Suite car, and so finally reached the Bistro Smelt where many passengers were enjoying a brunch. Violet looked around the room to sure that Mister Dominic wasn't hiding somewhere and then commented, "It looks like our nemesis isn't here." "Do you see anyone else that we might know?" Klaus asked, checking the map again to be sure he hadn't read it wrong.

Just then, the train attendant named Thursday spotted them and gestured for them to come and sit at the booth he was in. Violet and her siblings weren't sure what to do, but decided that the best thing to do was to go and sit down; even if they weren't sure what Thursday had to discuss with them. "Good morning!" the tall lanky attendant remarked as they sat down and he added, "Have you found that man's missing luggage yet?"

"I'm afraid that we haven't," Sunny admitted. Thursday frowned and then remarked, "Well how hard can it be? The In-Finite Express only has twenty-seven passenger cars. Didn't you check all of them?

" "We couldn't go any farther than the sixth car because the door to the Employees only passenger car is locked," Violet pointed out. "Well then you should've gotten a key," Thursday countered, to which Klaus replied, "We looked in the Filing passenger car but couldn't find a key."

"Well that's because the keys aren't kept there! Keys are kept in the eleventh car, the Kitchen of course," Thursday remarked. Sunny and her older siblings looked confused to hear this, but the former infant stated, "We didn't know that."

"Well it doesn't matter anyway, I have good news!" Thursday declared. "You found the missing luggage?" Klaus asked.

"No," the train attendant replied and then explained, "I think I finally remember who you four are!" Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice weren't sure if this was good news or not, and the youngest member of the Baudelaires commented softly, "Tirofnur," which probably meant "Let's get out of here before Thursday reveals who we are," or perhaps, "I'm not ready to eat prison food."

"You're Klyde, Susie, and Veronica," Thursday declared with a sly smile and then added, "However I thought for sure your mother was going to name you, Violet." The eldest Baudelaire decided to be brave and replied, "Actually my name is Violet, but how did you know that?"

"You're the Baudelaires!" the train attendant said in a hushed tone and then looked around the Bistro Smelt and commented, "I suppose it isn't safe to say that out loud."

"Who are you?" Sunny asked. "I thought I already told you my name, children. I'm Thursday," Thursday answered. "But how do you know who we are?" Klaus asked with a sigh.

"Well whenever you boarded the train I thought all of you looked familiar, and then when I saw your picture in _The Daily Punctilio_ I remembered the name of the leaders of V.F.D. They were also the Baudelaires. Are you related to them?" Thursday asked.

"They were our parents, but they died a long time ago," Sunny said sadly. "I'm so sorry to hear about that, it must've happened while I was stranded on the island," the attendant remarked.

"Excuse me, but you've still failed to explain how it is you knew our parents," Violet said. "Why I am a member of the same organization as they were," Thursday said with a smile and then added, "Although I have been thinking lately that she might be switching allegiances."

"Did you draw this?" Sunny asked, eagerly passing the map to the mysterious man who answered, "No, I don't know anything about drawing. I was a researcher back in the heyday. But none of that matters right now! At last I've managed to catch up with other members of V.F.D.! Please tell me you're headed to the rendezvous as well."

Violet smiled, feeling that their luck was turning about and then stated, "Yes, that's right. A man named Lemony told us to go there."

Thursday frowned and then scowled, "Oh he's still alive is he?" Klaus and his sisters felt nervous at Thursday's tone, but then the train attendant grew calmer as he sighed and said, "I'm sorry children, sometimes I cling to the past too much. But I'm getting myself sidetracked! I am headed to the rendezvous as well you see."

"Who sent you?" Sunny asked. "I was invited by the Duchess, I'm quite sure you were too. And I immediately decided to apply as a train attendant so that I could get there as quickly as possible. This train was once owned by V.F.D. you know," Thursday commented.

"We were sent an invitation back at the Ned H. Rirger Theater, but we thought that someone else had told us to go there. We don't know anything about a Duchess," Klaus stated.

"Her and your mother were close friends before the schism, and even afterward thru secret messages they remained close. But I guess they aren't anymore since your mother is dead," Thursday said regretfully.

"If you're headed to the rendezvous, then you must know where this train is headed," Sunny realized. "Well of course I do, I'm one of the attendants!" the lanky man said with a chuckle and then added, "But now that I know who you are then you must tell me who are the villains onboard this train that stole the termite collection?"

"We don't know," Klaus admitted. "The villains are the ones who owned the termites, Professor Edwick and Mister Dominic," Violet told the dirty, brown haired man.

"Nonsense! Those two have been members of V.F.D. for the longest time! Even your parents trusted them," Thursday argued. "Maybe that is why they're now dead," Sunny said sadly.

"We know that Mister Dominic is a dangerous man," Violet explained and then added, "Recently he stole something frighteningly poisonous from Anwhistle Aquatics."

"You mean the Medusoid Mycelium," Thursday declared with a frown and then stated, "I can see that there is a lot going on that I am unaware of. Maybe Miranda was right and I shouldn't have left and maybe it would've turned out better… I suppose it depends on how you look at it."

The children still felt like they had failed to get anything important from Thursday and so Sunny declared, "Excuse me sir, but you're not making very much sense. Why is it that you've not been amongst V.F.D. lately?"

"I was stranded on the island for quite some time, and then whenever I returned to the world in general; the schism had already caused so much division I wanted to stay out of it," Thursday answered.

"Did you know a man named Ishmael?" Klaus asked. "Absolutely," the train attendant answered. "I remember who you are!" Violet said with a smile and almost blurted it so loud that other passengers turned to look at her in surprise. Then the eldest Baudelaire said, "You were an ally of Kit Snicket, weren't you?"

"That's correct, last time we met was over a year ago and we were having Turkish tea together," Thursday said as he smiled at the fond memory and then asked, "How is Kit doing?" Sunny looked down at their adopted sister who was also quite sad to think of her mother and Klaus finally explained, "I'm sorry… but Kit died too, on the very same island that you escaped from."

"Rethguad," Beatrice said, which probably meant, "Even though Violet, Klaus and Sunny have adopted me; I will always miss my mother." "That sounds like a very unfortunate event, children. I guess a lot has happened since I became involved in things," Thursday admitted. "We often feel the same way. We've been on the island for a year now," Violet answered.

"Did you meet my wife or my daughter?" the tall lanky attendant asked. "Was your daughter's name Friday?" Sunny asked.

"Yes, that's right. My girl Friday! How is she?" he asked, beaming with pride.

"I'm afraid we don't know that either. A year ago on Decision Day the islanders all left with Ishmael. We haven't seen them since… and we don't know what happened to them," Klaus admitted.

"Seems like you four only have part of the story, just like me," Thursday admitted sadly and then stated, "The only reason I even chose to go see the Duchess is because I suspected that my sister had switched sides." "Monday?" Sunny asked in surprise and then added, "But she seems so pleasant." "A lot of wicked people can seem that way, but I am under the impression that Count Olaf turned her to villainy because of a political scandal," Thursday remarked and then asked, "I'm guessing that notorious villain is still trying to obtain that fortune of yours?"

"Count Olaf is dead," Violet answered and then the train attendant quipped, "Now there is someone who deserved to be dead." "But none of this matters right now, does it?" Sunny blurted out in exasperation and then muttered, "Thursday you have to help us stop Mister Dominic before something terrible happens onboard this train!"

"I suppose you're right, I'll do whatever I can," he said passing the drawing back to Klaus and then adding, "I must say it seems rather foolish for that Professor to bring a termite collection onboard this luxurious locomotive especially whenever it is made entirely of wood." "Then finding his collection should be our first task," Violet decided as she folded up the map; glad that she had her siblings had chosen to follow it to the Restaurant and feeling for the first time in quite a while that their luck was turning around.

I'm sure if you had been onboard the In-Finite Express alongside Klaus, Sunny, Beatrice and Violet as they followed Thursday to the Quiet car you might've thought that things were about to get much better for the children now that they had met a member of V.F.D. and that member was going to assist them, but I would like to remind you of the warning I gave at the beginning of this chapter; that much like the Baudelaire's friend Mrs. Caliban, my beloved sister, her fiancé, Count Olaf, Uncle Monty, Aunt Josephine, Dr. Orwell, Esmé Squalor, Justice Strauss, Madam Lulu, Ike, Gonzalo, the first Duchess, my departed brother and my darling Beatrice; Thursday would very soon be dead and unable to help the orphans at all.

They passed thru the Quiet car, and the Passenger car and the Open car and the Neophyte car and the Manicure car and the Lounge and the Kitchen and as they approached the Junction car; Klaus commented, "Where are we headed to, Thursday?"

"To find my sister so that I can find out if she has switched sides or not," he explained.

The attendant making sea cucumber soup turned and remarked, "I believe Monday was in the Inventory looking for something." "Do you have any bowls of soup for us today?" Sunny asked hopefully.

"It isn't lunch time yet, and besides all employees eat in the Dining car," the train attendant remarked. "Ronald these are the Baudelaires," Thursday explained. "So what if they are?" Ronald replied bitterly and then went back to what he was doing. The tall lanky former islander shrugged and then pressed onto the next passenger car before Violet finally stated, "I hope that Monday hasn't switched sides; and maybe she can tell us who drew this map." "It depends on how you look at it," Thursday said and then added, "Just because someone is wicked does that mean that you can't trust them anymore?"

"It depends on how you look at it," the train attendant repeated and then the five of them entered the Inventory car where his sister was rummaging thru the luggage.

"Monday! What're you doing in here? No luggage is to opened until we arrive at our destination," Thursday told her. The frilly haired woman looked up and then spotted the Baudelaires and asked, "Thursday! What're they doing here? Don't you know who they are?"

"Of course, these are the Baudelaires!" the tall lanky man answered.

"They've aligned themselves with the Snickets," Monday countered. "So what if they have?" Thursday remarked and then stated, "I'm willing to let bygones be bygones if it means seeing my girl again."

"Friday is dead!" Monday spat back. Klaus and his sisters saw that now the frilly haired woman was moving toward them and the eldest orphan commented, "I'm pretty sure that she has switched sides."

"Just let me reason with her," Thursday whispered back and then proclaimed to his sister, "The Baudelaires have told me that Count Olaf is dead. That means all the crimes you've been accused of will likely be dropped." "You're behind in the times, brother! I knew that quite a while ago. I'm with Dominic now! And we're going to rob this train!" Monday answered.

"But there isn't anything valuable on the In-Finite Express," Thursday argued. "Except the lumber that it is made out of," his sister pointed out and then added, "Which I'm sure is why someone stole our terrific termites!"

"Monday, maybe it would be easier if we talked somewhere else," Klaus suggested as he saw that some of the luggage above was becoming quite wobbly and Violet nodded and suggested, "Yes, let's all step back into the Junction car and talk about this." "I'm thru being told what to do! That's why I left that wretched island in the first place, Baudelaires! And I'm never going back!" Monday said as she took another step toward them and then Thursday took a step toward his sister, and I'm afraid to say it was the very last one he ever did take.

His right elbow bumped against the luggage that was already teetering back and forth and the four orphans saw before it was too late what was going to happen. Monday apparently did too, and took a step back the way she had come and watched as the luggage began to collapse.

Thursday didn't even have time to suggest anything at all to his sister, but merely cried out in alarm as the large heavy bags crushed him and then other pieces of luggage fell on top of him altogether in one giant heap and the mess in the Inventory car looked even worse than it had before. And perhaps to make matters worse, Monday was staring straight at the Baudelaires and snarled, "You murdered my dear brother! You will pay for this dearly orphans! I swear you will!"

And worst of all, the four children had failed again to save someone that might've had a key piece of information and became familiar with being failures all over again.

**_The Baudelaire's journey is coming to a jarring conclusion! Thursday is gone and the truth is looming closer! Who is sending the mysterious messages onboard the train? It depends on how you look at it...read and review please!_**


	11. Ten

_**Ten**_

The point of no return is a point where going back the way you had come is impossible, and it usually refers to whenever we take a trip and we find that the road behind us has suddenly collapsed into a pothole or we've boarded a plane and then come to realize that it only has one working engine and then use a parachute to leap out, we could easily refer to this as the point of no return.

For the Baudelaires, they had reached the point of no return a long time ago, whenever they'd stood on Briny Beach and heard Mister Poe inform them that their parents had died in a ghastly fire and that meant there was no chance that the orphans would ever be children again; and therefore they had reached a point where they could never return to the life they once knew.

If you have read this far into the terrible tale of the Baudelaires then I'm sure you realize that the point of no return for you is probably whenever you picked up the first story of the children's woeful lives and began to read and have continued to read ever since on the assumption that the orphans haven't yet reached the point of no return.

But let me assure you, that just as Thursday, Miranda Caliban's husband and Friday's father died onboard the In-Finite Express and won't be returning that you have passed the point of no return and so now you can stop reading and return to some other point of interest to you or to your friends, such as peeling drywall or listening to classical music.

Because as Monday, Thursday's apparently wicked sister stepped over the pile of luggage that had crushed her brother, the older train attendant from the Kitchen was coming up to investigate the loud noise he had heard and the Baudelaire orphans were finding themselves stuck in the middle of these two people, one of which they were certain had joined Mister Dominic to rob the elite express they were all traveling on.

"What happened?" Ronald asked as he saw what had befallen poor Thursday.

"These children are murderers! They killed my poor brother!" Monday declared.

"That's not true!" Klaus said, pleading with the older attendant to believe him. "Oh dear me, I should inform Donald right away! This is totally against policy!" Ronald declared and then moved thru the Inventory passenger car, leaving the children alone with Monday. "But this was an accident!" Violet stated. "And we weren't the ones rummaging thru the luggage! You were!" Sunny added angrily.

"My brother and I have never seen things the same way, but he is still my brother just as I will always be his sister. So therefore I am blaming you for involving him in this mess just as I blame the Duchess for stranding us on that abysmal island years and years ago," Monday snarled angrily.

"You can't blame people for something that wasn't their fault," Violet argued, although she had no idea how Monday or her brother had wound up on the very same island that Kit Snicket had died on; but suspected that it probably wasn't the fault of anyone but a sheer accident much like their own lives seemed to have been.

"Shut up, Baudelaire! You don't know anything! Why don't you run off to your leader? I must mourn my brother," Monday muttered as she knelt down beside the crushed figure of Thursday.

Just then, the train attendant and another man who looked exactly like Ronald appeared from the other side of the Inventory passenger car and the twin declared, "Oh my goodness! What has happened here?"

"They murdered Thursday!" Monday squealed.

"Which is entirely against policy!" Ronald told him.

"I knew that allowing children to become attendants was a bad idea," Donald declared and then glared down at the four Baudelaires and said, "Ever since you boarded my lucrative locomotive you've caused nothing but trouble! First missing luggage and now a train attendant! What will be next?"

"But this wasn't our fault!" Violet tried to inform the man. "I've heard enough of this," the conductor commented and then added, "Where is that man who gave us the idea to use them as train attendants in the first place?"

"Mister Dominic is staying in the seventh passenger car, he is our guest," Monday said as she finished her brief mourning of her brother and then added, "If I were to suggest anything it would be to lock these miscreants up in their room and never let them out again!"

"I have a train to run! So I can't be bothering myself with these orphans," Donald decided and then turned to the frilly haired woman and said, "Since they did murder your brother, they are now your responsibility! Once we arrive at our destination we'll turn them over to the proper authorities!"

"But we didn't do anything!" Sunny objected. "And she was trying to rob the train!" Klaus added.

"An attendant robbing the very train she is working on? That's preposterous!" Ronald said with a chuckle.

"Why is that?" the middle Baudelaire asked.

"All of our attendants adhere to the In-Finite Express' policy of getting here to there without the mess!" the twin explained. Klaus and his sisters realized that it would be pointless to argue any further with him or the other attendants so he sighed weakly and waited as Donald and his brother left and soon they were with only Monday in the Hallway passenger car.

"You'll pay for what you did to my brother," Monday stated angrily and then added, "And I bet you are behind that theft as well!"

"Suolucidir!" Beatrice commented, which probably meant, "Why would we want to steal a termite collection?" or perhaps, "We were just trying to find out who drew this map!"

"I'll let Mister Dominic handle you!" she said with a wicked grin and then knocked on the villain's cabin door. In a matter of seconds, the children's nemesis peered out and looked down at them before stating, "What have we gotten ourselves into this time, Baudelaires?"

"They've killed my brother!" Monday stated.

"My what a vile thing to do," Mister Dominic commented, and behind him Professor Edwick stated, "I'm sure they're behind the theft of my termite collection as well." "I assumed the same," the frilly haired woman said with a nod.

"Hmm, well we can't have such dangerous individuals lurking about this thundering train, they should be locked in their room until we reach our destination!" Mister Dominic said with a sinister smirk. "You know for a fact that we didn't murder Thursday!" Klaus shouted.

"We're not killers!" Violet argued. "Just deal with them Dominic, and I'll help you rob the train," Monday declared and added in a conspiratorial whisper, "I do believe I might accidentally forget to lock the door to the Employees only passenger car tonight…"

"We'll discuss matters pertaining to my plan later. Allow me to deal with these annoying orphans," Mister Dominic told the train attendant, who winked back and then went off to perform some other duty.

"We didn't murder Thursday," Sunny added, although I'm sure by now you know that saying this didn't do much good for them.

Mister Dominic merely smiled at the defenseless children and remarked, "It seems no matter where you go that unfortunate events always happen as a result of your meddling. And now a precious husband and father has died because of the Baudelaires. I find this very amusing."

"Are you going to lock us in our room?" Violet asked. "I think that is the most sensible suggestion," Professor Edwick said with a nod and then added, "How else can we be certain that they won't mess things up."

"Yes, much like the missing termites; the Baudelaires always tend to get in the way," Mister Dominic agreed and then stated, "Locking you in your room will be the best way to see to it you are done for good!"

Before the four orphans could object, the two dangerous villains began to push them toward the Hallway passenger car and Klaus commented, "What're we going to do?" Violet though seemed the least worried and said, "I think I have an idea, but you'll have to trust me."

"All right," Sunny said with a nod. The four orphans cooperated as Mister Dominic and his associate made it all the way to the lounge, where other passengers had apparently already heard of the crime they had committed. "Keep those criminals away from me!" one man commented.

"I thought it was against policy for there to ever been an incident!" a woman cried out. "I really wish that they had found some bananas!" Mr. Bass stated. "I always knew they were trouble!" Mrs. Remora remarked with a sneer.

"_I always knew they were trouble_!" Nero mimicked and then added, "Where are you taking them Dominic?"

"To their rooms where they will cause no further disturbances," their nemesis stated. "But we didn't commit any crime!" Klaus tried to argue. "_But we didn't commit any crime_!" the Vice Principal stated and then added, "If it wasn't for you Baudelaire brats I'd still be teaching at Prufrock Prep!"

"Don't waste your breathe, orphan. No one onboard this train will be helping you!" Mister Dominic said with a laugh as they arrived at the Quiet car. "Since you're going to be locking us in our room, I demand to know what it is that you're plotting," Violet declared. Professor Edwick laughed and said, "She is just as stubborn as her mother."

"It will do no harm really," Mister Dominic conceded and then smiled and said, "I suppose you know by now that there other volunteers on this tangled train besides yourselves or Mister Caliban; am I right?" Before the children got a chance to confirm or deny that they knew this, their nemesis stated, "And this train is headed toward the rendezvous, the very same one that Gustav directed you to go to."

And before the orphans could deny or confirm this; their archenemy declared, "So the reason I chose to board the In-Finite Express should be obvious, Baudelaires! I'm not going to let anyone interfere in what I have planned for the Duchess! This train will never reach its destination!"

Pushing them into their room, Mister Dominic stated, "I'm afraid you've reached the point of no return, Baudelaires. That means there is no turning back now!"

As he closed and locked the door, the four siblings heard him and the Professor walk off back toward the front of the noisy train and Klaus sighed and went to stare out the window.

They were apparently now far from Lake Lachrymose, and far from the mountain range that might've been the Valley of Four Drafts; and far from their allies altogether and the middle Baudelaire felt very much like a failure because they had surely reached the point of no return.

"I wish we had gotten more of a chance to speak with Thursday," Sunny mumbled. "Or to find out where we are headed," Klaus headed. "Hsinif," Beatrice remarked, which probably meant, "We're locked in our room and now Mister Dominic is plotting to derail the In-Finite Express!" or perhaps, "Violet, didn't you say there was a way out of this mess?"

"Maybe," the eldest Baudelaire said as she tied up her hair in a bow and then paced around the small room to think. Once about ten minutes had passed, apparently Violet had conceded defeat and sank onto the bottom bunk bed and sobbed softly. "So we are trapped here," Sunny realized, and then sobbed alongside her sister. Violet tried to wipe her tears as she explained, "I had thought that whomever had drawn us those maps might've saw Professor Edwick and Mister Dominic push us back here to our rooms… but I guess we really have reached the point of no return."

"Don't despair Violet," Klaus told her and then sat on the other bunk bed and cradled Beatrice and stated, "Maybe there really are other volunteers on this train and they're coming to rescue us right now!" "Or maybe we're trapped in here and this exuberant express is going to derail," Sunny pointed out.

"I don't know… I had thought…" Violet said in between her tears, but apparently she couldn't even finish her sentence as she continued to cry.

All four of the Baudelaires cried for quite a while, because they felt certain that they had finally reached the point of no return; which you may already have realized is whenever there is no going back; because they couldn't see any way out of their room and they had no idea how they would even warn the other passengers onboard the In-Finite Express or be able to stop Mister Dominic from reaching the rendezvous; because the Baudelaires had reached the point of no return.

But sadly this was not the case, because they still had other unfortunate events to deal with onboard the In-Finite Express and they would not be pleasant at all; just as being stung by a scorpion whenever you have a sore toe is unpleasant.

And much like they had failed to save Thursday, they will fail to rescue everyone onboard the train they were traveling on, and only sink deeper into despair as the metal machine is derailed by Mister Dominic. They cried for quite some time, until the youngest Baudelaire noted that someone had slipped something under their door again and tugged at Violet to pay attention.

The eldest orphan looked down and smiled in surprise, because she had felt certain that she and her siblings were doomed. But then she frowned because whomever was assisting them on the In-Finite Express had not given them a key to leave the Quiet car, but instead it was another finely drawn map. "How is a map going to help us whenever we're stuck in our quarters?" Sunny wondered as she wiped away her tears.

The oldest Baudelaire unfolded the map and then looked down at the directions that were clear and precise and she wondered if they would even be able to follow them out. "What does it say Violet?" Klaus asked her, looking over her shoulder.

" 'Up and out'," she explained reading the directions, and both her and her siblings wondered if the point of no return was somewhere they could actually return to at all.

**_The Baudelaire's treacherous traveling is just about to be at it's worst! Read and review please!  
_**


	12. Eleven

_**Eleven**_

To state the obvious is something that no one likes to state, obviously. The reason is that stating the obvious is like walking across fiery coals, you know that your feet are going to get burned.

The reason that people enjoy stating the obvious however, isn't quite as obvious as you may think that it is. But whenever you understand that they have stated the obvious, and then obviously you wished that they hadn't. The Baudelaires had heard things that were obviously stated many times before or they'd said things that were obvious themselves out of sheer shock, which is usually the reason why many people state the obvious.

For example Klaus remembered a time whenever his father and he had decided to play treasure hunt in their mansion and the middle Baudelaire's father had given him a list of things which were to be part of their game.

The game, obviously, was to find the items on the list before time ran out so Klaus would go thru the various chambers of the Baudelaire mansion searching for these items and whenever he found one, he stated the obvious by saying, "I've found it!"

The reason this statement was obvious should be obvious to you just as it was obvious to Klaus then and obviously I don't need to explain how obvious it is.

Not that I have never stated the obvious before because obviously I have many times but the fact remains that each time I do I'm sure several people wish that I hadn't and I too realize that sometimes stating the obvious is the worst thing you can ever hear especially whenever it is spoken to you by someone who obviously no longer shares affection for you and then she states the obvious and tells you, "I don't love you, Lemony."

So in any context stating the obvious is something that you wish hadn't occurred and even there onboard the In-Finite Express, Beatrice, Sunny, Klaus, and Violet knew that they were trapped and outwitted by Mister Dominic. But perhaps what was most obvious of all was the drawing that had just been slipped under their cabin door. It was the third they'd received since boarding the train, but none of the orphans had any clue who was giving them directions or why.

But what they did know was that the directions they now had received seemed impossible. On the bottom of the map were three simple words, which were the point of no return as far as Violet, and her younger siblings were concerned, "Up and out" is all that it said but it was clear what their mysterious comrade wanted them to do.

"We can't climb across the roof of the train," Sunny said, stating the obvious. "But if we do nothing than Mister Dominic is going to derail the train!" Klaus declared, stating the obvious.

"But we have to warn the passengers!" Violet remind her siblings, stating the obvious, obviously.

"If we climb across the top of the In-Finite Express, we'll fall off!" Klaus declared obviously. "Maybe there is some other way to warn all of the passengers?" Sunny suggested. "They probably won't listen to us anyway," her brother lamented.

"Noisiced!" Beatrice remarked, which probably meant, "Well we can't just stay here!" or perhaps, "This noble volunteer is expecting too much out of us!" Both of which were the most obvious things of all.

Violet had grown quiet, staring at the cabin door and her brother immediately quieted the younger orphans as Violet continued to stare at the door and then remarked, "We don't have to climb that far. We're in the seventeenth passenger car, so we only need to get to the fifteenth car, where the door to the In-Finite Express is at." "How are we going to do that, Violet?" Klaus asked.

"There are four beds here in the Quiet car, maybe if we tie all four into a long rope we can use that to cautiously climb out the window and onto the top of the train?" she suggested. "That sounds very dangerous, " Sunny said nervously. "I know, and it is very risky, we might fail," Violet told them. "I think we have to try," her brother remarked and then added, "This will be like the time Count Olaf tricked us when we were traveling in the Freak caravan away from the Caligari Carnival and you employed the Devil's Tongue knot, Violet."

"All right then, the first thing we need to do is pull off all of the bed sheets," the oldest orphan told her siblings. Beatrice, Sunny and Klaus quickly performed this task and soon there was a large heap of blankets in the middle of the floor of the cabin and Violet told them, "Ok now the first thing I need to do is tie one of the ends of the blankets to the door knob."

"The door knob?" Sunny repeated.

"That's right, Sunny," Violet said as she wrapped the blanket around the door knob and then explained, "Since the door is locked its the most secure part of the room.

" Once she had successfully employed the Devil's Tongue knot on the handle, Violet turned to her siblings and explained; "All right now we need to tie the end of this blanket to the end of another one." Beatrice searched thru the heap and found another and passed it to Klaus who held it steady for his older sister. She tied the two pieces of fabric together and then did the same thing to that end of the blanket and so on and so on until at last they had tied all of the blankets together into a long rope that started at the door handle and then was gathered into another tangled heap by Beatrice and Sunny

.

"This is probably stating the obvious," Klaus stated as they finished their task and then asked, "But how are we supposed to get on the top of this exceedingly fast freight?" "I'll have to be the one to do this," Violet decided and then explained, "We don't have to all go. I can make it to the Open car on my own." "I'm not going to let you go on your own," Klaus declared bravely.

"Bmilc!" Beatrice said, which probably meant, "But I know I can't climb!" or perhaps, "Sunny and I will wait here for you to come around."

"Okay," Violet said with a nod and then using the stand that had sitting next to her bed, smashed the window out of the passenger car. "Violet! Wait!" Sunny declared before her sibling got to climb out the window. First the former toddler hugged her sister and then said, "You should tie the end of our rope to your leg."

"That's a brilliant idea, Sunny," Klaus told his sister and then did as instructed, tying the last portion of their makeshift rope onto Violet's right leg.

Before I go any farther in this story, my editor has requested that I state the obvious which here means that if you are ever onboard a train such as the one that the Baudelaires are currently traveling on, then you are _**NOT**_ to stick your head out the window just as Violet did and you are _**NOT**_ to climb out onto the railing and you are _**NOT**_ to then lift yourself onto the top of the moving train and then

_**UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES**_ are you to attempt to climb across the top of this train.

Once she had a firm grip on the top of the rails, the eldest Baudelaire then carefully helped Klaus onto the roof and together they lay there flat on their bellies so that the fierce winds wouldn't push them and cause them to fall off of the train altogether.

Klaus extended his hand to Violet, who grasped it firmly and then nodded toward her brother, signaling for him to begin to crawling across the roof. It would be pointless to tell you how frightened and scared Klaus was and would do no good for me tell you just how fierce the winds were or how jarring it was for Violet as she and her brother crossed to the next passenger car of the treacherous train.

It would be like trying to explain to a fish what it was like to a bird, which is obviously impossible, seeing as fish are fish and birds are birds and there is a distinct difference in the two which is actually rather obvious itself, so I won't even state the obviousness of how it is impossible for me to describe the differences just as it impossible for me to tell you how unnerving the journey was for Violet and Klaus across the top of the Passenger car.

I can tell you that the children were quite brave for being able to even consider crossing the top of these cars, which is something you should _**NOT**_ do, and I can tell you that I am very impressed by the two eldest orphans' successful use of a blanket as a rope; which is also something that you should _**NOT**_ do.

Yes, both Violet and Klaus were able to perform this feat without thinking twice, but perhaps that is because they had been thru many other perilous situations. Violet might've thought about the time that she'd used the Devil's tongue knot during Hurricane Herman in order to save the ship from Lachrymose Leeches and Klaus must've considered the occasion whenever he had figured out that his good friend Isadora Quagmire had been using couplets to tell them where she and her brother were hidden in the Village of Fowl Devotees; and it quite likely that both of them reflected on the unfortunate event which the middle Baudelaire had mentioned; whenever Count Olaf had tried to dispose of them at the Mortmain Mountains and then they'd later been assaulted by snow gnats.

All of these amazing and miserable events had prepared the children for climbing across the freight with ease, even though they were obviously still frightened at the thought of doing so. At last the two Baudelaires had arrived right above the Open car and Violet nervously peered over the edge at the door below.

"Any ideas on how to open that door?" she asked her brother. Klaus looked down over the edge as well and commented, "I think we should use the rope as a lasso, and take hold of the handle."

"Okay," she replied carefully untying her leg and then telling her brother, "Hold onto me so I don't fall." Klaus took hold of her hand and then she tied the end of their rope until a loop and slowly lowered it over the side of the fast freight.

The wind whipped thru the rope and the eldest Baudelaire nearly lost her grip on the blanket and Klaus nearly lost his grip on Violet and it might've been the end of the Baudelaire's journey right there had not the eldest orphan slid back onto the top of the train and clung to the rail. Taking a moment to catch her breath, Violet told her brother, "Maybe we should go back."

"We've made it this far," Klaus stated and then added, "This is the point of no return."

Violet nodded and then tried again, this time successfully wrapping the lasso around the handle of the door and then pulled up on it. The door to the In-Finite Express' fifteenth passenger car flung open and Klaus told his sister, "Good job! Quickly! Let's climb on down!"

Violet nodded and glanced up at the forest that the train would soon be entering and remarked, "We probably need to now before this express gets into those woods."

"I'll go first this time," Klaus decided and before his older sister could state anything obvious, the middle Baudelaire took hold of their rope and then gave Violet the other end to hold. Without a moment to lose, Klaus swung into the open Open car and fell straight onto the hard wooden floor.

Quickly he called up to Violet, "Okay, come down now!" The eldest orphan braced herself and then began to climb down as her brother waited and caught hold of her left arm. Just then, the rope that the children had successfully made snapped and Violet screamed out and began to fall toward the dangerous underside of the In-Finite Express. Klaus let out a yell too and grabbed his sister and with all his might pulled her into the fifteenth passenger car. Violet let go of the rope which flew off into their surroundings and for a moment the two older Baudelaires laid there, gasping for breathe.

The door slowly closed due to the force of the wind and the two Baudelaires congratulated themselves on surviving the dangerous dilemma.

"We've managed to break out of our room but we still have to stop Mister Dominic!" Klaus said, stating the obvious.

"Let's first get Sunny and Beatrice. I have a plan to get us to the front of the train." Klaus decided to not question his older sister but merely followed her back to the Quiet car and Violet was glad to see that their nemesis had left the key in the lock. Sunny and Beatrice embraced their older siblings, and Sunny declared, "When the rope broke we feared the worst."

"Don't worry, we're safe," Klaus assured his younger sisters and then turned to Violet and asked, "Now if we simply figure out how to alert the other passengers about Mister Dominic's vile plot." Violet, who had kept her hair tied up in a bow during the entire ordeal, replied, "I think I have a solution, but you'll have to trust me."

"Delbo," Beatrice said, which probably meant, "You managed to figure out how to climb across the top of the In-Finite Express, of course we trust you" or perhaps, "You're a brilliant inventor, Violet, of course we trust you!" Violet nodded in thanks as she lifted up her adopted sister and then started walking toward the Restaurant. "Where are you going?" Sunny asked in surprise.

"To the Bistro Smelt," Violet answered, stating the obvious. Her siblings didn't say a word as they followed her thru the already cleaned restaurant, seeing as it was already past three in the afternoon, obviously, and soon they were at the nineteenth passenger car. Violet didn't stop however, she pressed on to the Teaching passenger car and then knocked sharply on the cabin door and Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice gasped at their sister and then gasped as the door opened and Mrs. Remora gasped back at the Baudelaires and asked, "Baudelaire brats! How did you manage to break out of your room?"

"That isn't your concern," Violet bravely replied.

"_That isn't your concern_," Nero mimicked as he came to the door and remarked, "Meddlesome midgets! Now we have you in our clutches!"

"You're right, we've come to surrender," the oldest Baudelaire declared and then added, which sounded like the most obvious statement of all, "We're going to help you rob the In-Finite Express." Klaus, Beatrice, and Sunny felt their jaws drop; a phrase which hear means "the younger Baudelaires were quite surprised to hear their older sister say something that sounded so obvious." Violet still seemed just as fearless as before, and the three teachers standing there seemed to consider this and Mr. Bass commented, "It could be a trick. That girl has always been full of chicanery! I remember when I told her a story about a frog that she was drowsing off!"

"On the other hand having someone else do the dirty work for us isn't such a bad idea," Mrs. Remora conceded she opened the door a little wider and Nero mimicked, "_Having someone else do the dirty work for us isn't such a bad idea_."

"So if you're either in or out, orphans," the tall dirty haired woman remarked. Klaus pulled on his sister's shoulder and asked, "Violet what're you doing?" The eldest Baudelaire smiled and explained, "I told you I would get us to the front of the train somehow."

With that thought, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice followed her inside the Teaching passenger car; hoping that this time Violet was not stating the obvious, obviously.


	13. Twelve

_**Twelve**_

The In-Finite Express is no longer in service now, it was shut down years ago due to a dispute by a particularly robust businessman who claimed he owned it and a particularly cowardly businesswoman who didn't know how to speak cordially.

The dispute arose because, in case you didn't already know; the entire express was made out of emerald lumber straight from the Finite Forest near to Paltryville and since the old contracts had been lost in a gruesome fire; no one knew for certain who owned the lumber and since no one did; the businessman proclaimed he did and thus a dispute arose.

The businesswoman however, knew of an incident that had occurred onboard the train some years ago; one that will occur very shortly in this story that related to termites that enjoyed devouring emerald lumber and tried in vain to argue that building a luxurious locomotive out of such faulty material was a big mistake.

Sadly there were spies in the court that day that voted in favor of the villain rather than the volunteer and so the In-Finite Express was shut down for good, although I do understand that some of the wreckage from this particular accident was recovered; but no termites ever were.

If you were to meet Violet, Klaus, Sunny or Beatrice and ask them just what had happened on that fateful evening whenever they stepped into the nineteenth passenger car of the tremendous train, I'm sure that the Baudelaires would tell you that they would rather speak about a different occasion; perhaps whenever Sunny had cooked up a nice batch of wasabi for them or when Violet had invented a tent for them to sleep in or Klaus had read a good book from _T.S. Elliot _but none of them would truly want to tell you about the unfortunate event that befell them that evening whenever the In-Finite Express' policy was completely and utterly shattered.

I wish that I did not have to relate to you the sorrowful events of that evening, even though my investigations did bring me to the wreckage that I found there in the forest that the mighty machine was now passing thru; and I know precisely who made it off and who didn't and what befell the train; because of all the unfortunate events that I have chronicled ones involving termites always make me a bit more squeamish.

But Klaus and his sisters didn't realize that their hopes of warning the passengers would end fruitless and that Mister Dominic would triumph in the end and the In-Finite Express would be derailed; all they knew was that Violet had told Vice Principal Nero, Mr. Bass and Mrs. Remora that they were going to assist the trio from Prufrock Preparatory School in robbing the fine freight they were traveling on toward a destination that they still were unaware of.

I wish so greatly not to mention any of these things and to end the story right now and to proclaim that the authorities came and locked all of the villains up and then the Baudelaires lived wonderful lives throughout the rest of their lives, but that is certainly not how the story goes; and so I must record instead the unfortunate events as they occurred whenever the banana chomping Mr. Bass closed the door to the passenger car and remarked, "How are these children going to help us rob this train?"

"_How are these children going to help us rob this train?_" Nero mimicked and then stated, "From what I have read in _The Daily Punctilio_, these four have caused many fires and deaths already! Robbing a train should be child's play to them!"

"The first thing we'll need to do is capture that annoying attendant, Monday and take the keys to the Employees only passenger car," Mrs. Remora said as her eyes shifted from Violet to Klaus and then the dirty teacher stated, "I think this is a perfect job for these orphans, because no one will suspect them." Sunny wanted to point out that many of the passengers of the express already felt that the children were murderers but wisely remained quiet as Vice Principal Nero gazed down at her and stated, "I sure hope you don't botch this up like you did at Prufrock Prep as my secretary!"

"I just wish I had a banana to eat!" Mr. Bass lamented. "I think what we should do is use those idiot volunteers who are always passing out heart shaped balloons as a distraction," Mrs. Remora suggested.

"Yes that would be a wise idea," Violet agreed and then added, "While they are singing their song, we can snatch the keys from Monday." "_While they are singing their song, we can snatch the keys from Monday_," Nero mimicked and then growled, "We're the ones who will make the suggestions around here, orphan! You just do as your told!"

Violet nodded and slunk back to where her other siblings were and Klaus whispered, "Are you sure this is the best way to get to the front of the train?

" "It maybe the only way, Klaus! None of the train attendants trust us now that Monday has said we are murderers," she whispered back. "I thought I told you brats to be quiet!" Nero growled and then added to his cohorts, "I suggest that we use those Volunteers Fighting Disease to sing a song in the Lounge and one of these cumbersome children can grab the keys from that train attendant."

"I agree with that idea," Mr. Bass said and then muttered, "When should we rob the train?" "I'm tired of waiting! Let's storm the Conductor's passenger car now!" Mrs. Remora declared. "First we need to get those volunteers so we can victimize them!" Mr. Bass decided.

"I wish that I could remodel their passenger car to make it a Violin recital passenger car, it would be much better than one for volunteers," Vice Principal Nero remarked. The trio of terrible teachers pushed Violet, Klaus, Sunny and Beatrice back out into the corridor and Mr. Bass stated, "You three orphans stay here; we'll go get the V.F.D. members." "There are four of us now," Sunny pointed out.

"We know that! Especially me since I love the metric system and I might add I believe you are far too short!" Mrs. Remora snarled. Nero and the other teachers walked into the next passenger car as Violet and her siblings stood there and waited, and again Sunny asked, "If we rob the train, then aren't we assisting them in their wicked scheme?"

"We need to warn the other passengers onboard the In-Finite Express that Mister Dominic is plotting to derail the train; and the only way we can do that is if we go to the Administration passenger car," Violet answered.

"Oh of course, I understand now," Klaus said with a nod and then explained to his two younger sisters, "Thursday told me that the Administration car is where the intercom system is at!" Beatrice and Sunny looked at Violet and then the youngest Baudelaire hugged her big sister and stated, "Aedi!" which probably meant, "I knew we could trust you, Violet!" or perhaps, "I'm so glad that we're going to stop this train from derailing!"

Soon, both Nero and the teachers, plus quite a few of the Volunteers Fighting Disease were crowding in the corridor and the bearded banjo player was stating, "I understand that there are quite a few people who have the measles in the Lounge, is that right?" Violet glanced over at Mrs. Remora who was glaring at her to such a point at the eldest Baudelaire knew how to answer and nodded before proclaiming, "Absolutely."

"Finally! Someone we can give heart shaped balloons to!" one volunteer who was holding a fiddle remarked. "There isn't a moment to waste, brother," the bearded banjo player told Klaus.

"_There isn't a moment to waste, brother_," Vice Principal Nero mimicked and then lead the group toward the empty Restaurant car and stated, "That's right we need to move now so that no one can stop us!" The volunteers fighting disease were too cheerful to notice the sinister undertone of the teacher's comment, but Sunny, Beatrice, Violet and Klaus understood immediately that Mrs. Remora, Mr. Bass and Vice Principal were no more interested in giving heart shaped balloons out in the Lounge then they were in providing evidence to clear the Baudelaires' names whenever there had been a mock trial at the Hotel Denouement.

And although the children wished that they could ask the problematic instructors from Prufrock Prep how they had escaped the inferno which had burnt that fine establishment to the ground, Violet and her younger siblings also realized that the trio of thieves leading them to the Lounge wasn't too interested in divulging that information either. As they passed thru the car where they had been previously locked up, the banjo playing volunteer and his group sang out,

_We are Volunteers Fighting Disease,_

_And we're cheerful all day long._

_If someone said that we are sad,_

That person would be wrong

And as they went thru the Passenger car and the Open car, other volunteers joined in saying,

_We visit people who are sick, _

_And try to make them smile,_

_Even if their noses bleed,_

_Or if they cough up bile._

And as they approached the Neophyte passenger car which was as empty as always, all of the volunteers together sang,

_Tra la la, Fiddle dee dee,_

_Hope you get well soon._

_Ho ho ho, hee hee hee, _

_Have a heart-shaped balloon._

And whenever they reached the roar of the Manicure passenger car, the Volunteers Fighting Disease continued to practice; not noticing the wicked looks in Mr. Bass' eyes or the sinister glee that Mrs. Remora was showing,

_We visit people who are ill,_

_And try to make them laugh._

_Even if the doctor says_

_He must saw them in half._

_We sing and sing all night and day,_

_And then we sing some more._

_We sing to boys with broken bones_

_And girls whose throats are sore._

Whenever they arrived at the Lounge, Vice Principal Nero declared, "Everyone in this lounge needs a heart shaped balloon!" Klaus immediately spotted Monday and told his sister, "Now is our chance to grab the keys. As the volunteers explained how they sing to men with measles, Violet walked to where Monday was standing and as they continued to pass out heart shaped balloons to women they thought had the flu; Klaus distracted the frilly haired woman and before Monday even knew they were there; the Baudelaires had grabbed the keys and yelled to Nero and the others, "We have the keys!"

The V.F.D. members were now all throughout the Lounge singing the final chorus of their repetitive song as Vice Principal Nero and the two other teachers reached the Kitchen and Mr. Bass said, "I was under the impression that you three orphans would never resort to a life of crime, but perhaps I was wrong about that the same way I was wrong when I thought I didn't need to pack any bananas for this trip."

"Now we can get to the Dining car!" Sunny declared. "_Now we can get to the Dining car_!" Vice Principal Nero mimicked as he snatched the keys from the former infants hand and then said, "You're a worse thief than you were a secretary! We're not interested in any meals, you fools! We're interested in hijacking this train and holding the passengers for ransom!" "Can you even measure how much money we'll make from this heinous heist?" Mrs. Remora asked as she rubbed her dirty palms together in excitement.

"Can we also ask for some bananas?" Mr. Bass wondered.

"That's the wonderful thing about kidnapping, we can ask for anything we want," Mrs. Remora explained and then gazed down at the Baudelaires and said as if they weren't there, "I recall that Esmé told me their fortune was rather large! I'll bet their parents will pay a hefty sum for them!" Klaus and his sisters didn't even bother informing the terrible teacher that their parents had died long ago, which might've been obvious enough if the dirty teacher had remembered the Baudelaire's time at Prufrock Prep, so instead the four siblings wordlessly followed the teachers thru the remaining passenger cars until at last they arrived at the Hallway and Mr. Bass asked, "Should we tell Dominic what we're up to?"

"He'd probably take it all for himself!" Mrs. Remora decided.

"_He'd probably take it all for himself_!" Nero mimicked in agreement and added, "Why should we let him do that whenever we take it all for ourselves! And now thanks to the Baudelaires that is precisely what we'll get to do!" All of the villains apparently were agreement with this idea and so everyone remained quiet as they passed the Guest car and then Nero rummaged thru the keys and then muttered, "It will take forever for us to find the right one!"

"Here, let me try," Klaus told the Vice Principal. "Don't attempt to pull a fast one, orphan; or I will toss you from this train without a second thought!" the snail loving teacher told him as he passed the key ring to Klaus.

Quickly, the middle Baudelaire looked thru the assortment of keys and found the correct one for the door that was in front of them and then without hesitation unlocked the door to the Employees only passenger car. On the other side, Ronald or perhaps his twin Donald, was sleeping and Mrs. Remora shouted aloud, "Wake up you idiot! We're seizing control of this train!" Ronald or perhaps his twin Donald fell from the bed onto the floor and then glanced at all the wicked people and asked, "What is the meaning of this?"

"_What is the meaning of this_?" Vice Principal Nero mimicked and answered, "Can't you hear? We are taking over this expedient express and holding it hostage!"

"You'll be taking us to the Administration car now!" Klaus said, getting into character. Mrs. Remora pushed the middle Baudelaire aside and declared, "You'll do as we say or we'll see to it that everyone on this train dies!" Violet and her siblings weren't sure how that coincided with the teachers plan to hold the In-Finite Express hostage; but apparently Ronald or perhaps Donald was too sleepy to think it thru and muttered, "All right, please; everyone just calm down! I'll take you to the conductor."

Mr. Bass smiled in expectation and said, "I bet he has been holding all of the bananas to himself." Nero and Mrs. Remora ignored his comment and pushed past the Baudelaires and followed the attendant thru the Dining car. "Come on, while they're worried about holding the train hostage we can warn the passengers of Mister Dominic's vile plan!" Violet told her siblings. Together the four orphans passed thru the Dining car which was oddly enough empty save for a few tables and then entered the Conductor's car right behind Vice Principal Nero and Mrs. Remora.

The two teachers had quickly captured Donald and his brother and the dirty teacher remarked, "This is fantastic! At last! This will be our greatest heist!" Violet, Klaus, Beatrice and Sunny quietly crept across the Conductor's car toward the next passenger car and hoped that no one would see them, but sadly that didn't happen. For as they neared the door to the Burning room, a voice called out from the other side of the passenger car, "Where do you children think you're going?" The Baudelaires froze in their steps toward the Administrator's car and Klaus turned to see Professor Edwick and Mister Dominic were standing there and their nemesis was glaring at them and the teachers who were holding the train conductor hostage and finally Mister Dominic laughed out loud and stated, "Why am I not surprised to find all of you here? I should've known that locking you in your room would never work!"

"Dominic! We were about to inform you of our plans," Mrs. Remora said with a stutter, to which Professor Edwick remarked, "Don't even try to explain yourself."

Nero didn't even have the heart to mimic as the two villains entered the Conductor's car, and Mister Dominic declared, "I suppose this all works to my advantage after all! Now you four orphans will witness first hand the derailment of this terrible train!"

"Quickly Klaus! We have to get to the intercom!" Violet declared and then opened the door to the Burning room. What the eldest Baudelaire didn't know was that someone else had hidden something inside the Burning chamber and as the oldest orphan opened the door she hit the box that was inside the chamber and then everyone in the Conductor's car turned to see what had happened whenever Violet Baudelaire opened the door and gasped as they saw Professor Edwick's termite collection crash onto the floor and immediately the termites who were starving headed straight toward the wood and began to eat it like no tomorrow, a phrase which here means "so fast that no one there could even keep track of the insects."

And the Baudelaires had inadvertently caused the worst mess to ever hit the In-Finite Express.


	14. Thirteen

_**Thirteen**_

I'm afraid I must inform you that this is the last chapter of this particularly jarring journey of the Baudelaires a phrase which here means "the four siblings had experienced nothing but harsh treatment ever since boarding the In-Finite Express" and it is my duty to inform you that although something good will happen once they escape the dangerous train that was about to derail, that many terrible tragedies will occur before the Baudelaires manage to evade their nemesis Mister Dominic, so if you are hoping to find a good ending to this story I would suggest you skip down to the last page and read that and skip all of the details I am forced to write down between then and now.

The termite collection which had been missing for quite some time had finally been found by Violet Baudelaire, albeit by accident as she was opening the door to the Burning chamber in an effort to evade Mister Dominic and Professor Edwick to rush to the intercom and warn the passengers. But now she had found the termites, Violet had caused the very unfortunate event that Mister Dominic had been plotting and the nefarious villain declared, "This truly is priceless! You children may not be just as tenacious as termites, but you are certainly are as much trouble as them!"

"If those termites eat up the Burning Chamber, the In-Finite will lose control!" Donald realized. "This doesn't fit in with my plan to rob this train!" Mrs. Remora declared. "I don't care one bit what you idiots want!" Mister Dominic snarled and then pushed the teachers aside and watched as the termites continued to eat the emerald lumber and then told the Baudelaires, "Looks like you truly have reached the point of no return!"

While all of the adults had been discussing among themselves what to do, Violet had been trying hard to come up with a plan to save both herself and her siblings as well as the other passengers onboard the In-Finite Express and then decided, "Klaus! Use the intercom now!" The middle Baudelaire didn't hesitate and rushed thru the Burning chamber past the terrible termites as Mister Dominic laughed and said, "That won't do any good, orphan! None of the passengers will believe you!" "It depends on how you look at it," Violet countered and then heard her brother say over the sound system, "Attention everyone! The illustrious In-Finite Express is out of control! Please hurry to escape as soon as possible!"

"There is no way to get off of this train!" Donald realized.

"Unless we jump," Mrs. Remora was considering.

"Dominic what are we going to do about this?" Nero asked, and as their nemesis was distracted; the eldest Baudelaire rushed past him, taking hold of Beatrice's hand and running toward the Dining car.

"I believe you heard what that orphan told you! We're leaving this train now before those termites devour the engine!" Mister Dominic declared and then ran into the Burning Chamber and took the fiery poker and pointed it toward Klaus as he left the Administrator's car and stated, "You're coming with me orphan!"

The middle Baudelaire knew better to object to their archenemy and the two of them followed Violet thru the remaining passenger cars of the In-Finite Express. Violet and Sunny and Beatrice didn't stop rushing thru the treacherous train, they past thru the Filing car and Violet pushed aside a cabinet to block Mister Dominic's path and as they walked thru the Inventory passenger car; Sunny pushed some of the luggage aside and whenever they ran thru the Lounge, the volunteers fighting disease were still singing their annoying and repetitive song and Monday spotted them and asked, "Did I hear right, orphans? Is this train going to crash?"

"If those termites finish eating the Burning chamber it will," Sunny answered.

"Where are you running to?" the frilly haired woman asked and then added, "Is this all your fault, orphans?"

"We didn't do anything!" Violet said as she caught her breath and then glanced back and saw Klaus and Mister Dominic entering the kitchen and declared, "But we are trying to escape this express before it derails!" Before Monday could ask another question, the three Baudelaires ran thru the Manicure passenger car where passengers were telling the barbers to hurry and finish their haircuts so that they could escape as well and as they continued, Sunny asked, "Violet do you have any idea where you're going?"

"We're going to do just as that map told us to! Up and out!" she answered as they approached the Bistro Smelt and then explained to her siblings, "Even if no one believes us, there is at least one person who will listen to what Klaus has to say."

"Who is that?" Sunny wondered. "The volunteer who has been assisting us since we boarded the train," the eldest orphan explained.

"I thought that was Mister Caliban," the former infant remarked in confusion.

"But we received another map after Thursday died, so it couldn't have been him," Violet answered.

"Deifitendinu!" Beatrice stated, which probably meant, "But we have no idea who drew those maps!" "I think I do," Violet Baudelaire declared and then said, "Hurry, we need to get to the twenty-seventh passenger car!"

Mister Dominic and Klaus had just made it to the Lounge whenever a volunteer was singing about a surgeon cutting someone in half and Mister Dominic felt the train beneath him shift and then remarked, "Hear that orphan? I think the termites have completed their task! This train is going to derail in a matter of minutes! You and your siblings have failed!"

He gestured with the hot poker for the middle Baudelaire to continue down the passage and Klaus did so without question, eager to join his siblings in their escape. Violet, Beatrice and Sunny had made it to the Waterbed passenger car and the eldest Baudelaire told her siblings; "I hope that our friend heard the message and ran here." "But who is it?" Sunny asked. Violet glanced back and spotted Mister Dominic approaching and said, "Hurry! We haven't any time!"

They passed thru the empty cars of the In-Finite Express and finally Violet reached the final passenger car and opened the door with ease. "It isn't locked anymore!" Sunny realized in surprise. The oldest orphan merely smiled and the trio stepped into the caboose of the train and Beatrice and Sunny were quite surprised to see that they were not alone.

There standing next to the crate door which was used to load large cargo onboard the In-Finite Express stood a tall figure in a dark cloak so that his face was obscured. Before Violet could say a word, she felt a push from behind and fell to the floor as Mister Dominic pushed Klaus into the final passenger car and then smiled wickedly at everyone standing in the passenger car. The villain then closed the door to the caboose and stated, "It looks like you've run as far as you can go, Baudelaires."

Mister Dominic spotted the cloaked man standing next to the cargo door and muttered, "Who are you?"

"Who are you?" the cloaked man countered and then turned to the Baudelaires and stated, "We haven't much time before this train derails! We're going to have to jump!"

"This express is going to fast for you to jump, orphans," Mister Dominic told them with a smirk and then laughed and said, "It is rather ironic that you came here to find the answers you were searching for and now you've reached the end of the road!"

"That's where you're wrong," Violet said as she got to feet and then grabbed Beatrice and took a step back from the dangerous villain.

"Have you looked around, children? There behind you, don't you realize what that is?" Mister Dominic asked with a wicked gleam in his eye. Klaus spotted the crate right away which had the large words of _**DANGER! DON'T! OPEN!**_ And the middle Baudelaire guessed, "More termites?"

"The very fearsome fungus that you have been searching for! The Medusoid Mycelium! If this derailment doesn't dispose of you, that will!" Mister Dominic told them with another laugh. The children all froze in their steps, not daring to move any closer to the cargo and then the cloaked man standing near the door stated, "Don't worry, we'll be ok!" Then he pulled on the cord and the door to the last passenger car opened.

The Baudelaires stared out at the hillside as it continued to roll by and I can say with an absolute certainty that not one of the four orphans were convinced that it would be all right for them to jump from the ferociously fast freight, but then they also knew that staying onboard the train along side Mister Dominic was also not safe; especially since their nemesis had just told them that the dangerously poisonous Medusoid Mycelium was sitting there in the caboose of the In-Finite Express. And as if to state this obvious fact, Sunny declared, "We can't jump! The train is moving too fast!"

The cloaked individual was now staring out at the forest and then looked back at the oldest of the Baudelaires and told her, "Violet, you can trust me." Without another word, their mysterious companion leapt from the train and rolled down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down from the In-Finite Express into the forest beyond.

Violet kept a firm hold on Beatrice and told her siblings, "We haven't a moment to lose!" and then leapt from the train and rolled down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down from the In-Finite Express into the forest beyond.

Klaus and Sunny looked to where their sister had rolled and then back at Mister Dominic who still holding the hot poker toward them and he declared, "If you escape now you'll never know anything that you really want to! I have the answers that you're seeking. Don't worry about your sister."

Klaus took Sunny's hand and whispered, "On the count of three." Before Mister Dominic could get a step closer to them the two younger siblings leapt from the cargo hold of the In-Finite Express and rolled down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and down and well you get the picture; from the train and this experience was so frightening for all of the children combined that to this very day they refuse to comment about it.

Once they had stopped rolling, the four orphans stood and watched as Mister Dominic glared at them from the caboose and then the In-Finite Express disappeared; although each of them knew right away that it was headed straight toward disaster. Then they turned their attention to the reason that they had escaped the dangerous train, besides the termites that is; the cloaked man who had just finished dusting himself off and was standing in front of them. His face was still obscured, so Sunny immediately asked, "Are you the one who has been trying to assist us during our time aboard that fearsome freight?"

"Yes, I drew those maps, I'm sorry that I wasn't able to help more; but I had to keep myself hidden whenever I found out that Mister Dominic was on the train," the cloaked figure stated and then added, "But I'm so glad to see all of you again!"

"Have we met before?" Klaus asked in confusion, finding his voice familiar and then the cloaked individual laughed and said, "I'm sorry it has been quite a while since we've seen each other."

Then their companion pulled back his hood and all of the Baudelaires gasped in surprise whereas Violet merely smiled and perhaps shed a few tears as the man who was cloaked turned out to be a seventeen year old boy; particularly one whom the eldest Baudelaire had been fond of a year ago. The boy stood there for a moment as the Baudelaires all smiled and felt that their luck had indeed finally gotten better, and Violet said, "I just knew it was you!"

"Knalb!" Beatrice said, which Sunny translated stating, "She is confused because she has never met you before." The boy knelt down to the infant and apparently his voice had changed too since the last time they'd met.

"I'm Quigley Quagmire," Quigley Quagmire explained, and then turned to his three older friends and told them, "Lemony Snicket sent me to find you."

**_Ba Ba Ba! the truth revealed! what did you think? excited? please say yes! the stirring conclusion! what will happen next? stay tuned for more secrets and clues! read and review please!  
_**


	15. To My Kind Editor

KEY: To My Kind Editor,

Da Kc Laxt Stadum,

Vnsos snyaes djs yuts A ies du bmads djae xuds ux djs woyl ug djae eduxs downsd, wid A gsnd ad boe xsyseeomc du tu jsms okuxf kc

slskase. Ag cui jops dmuiwns dmoxenodaxf djae, vnsos gaxt kc oeeuyaods oxt ejs bann ws jovvc du tu eu gum cui.

Sxynuest okuxfed djs eolt jsms, oms djs fnupse Lnoie bums bjans bumlaxf ax djs tamd, djs sziavksxd Eixxc iest oxt djs yuxdmoyd Paunsd taeyupsmst, onuxf badj djs xsnd yjovdsm ax djs Woitsnoams'e kaesmowns naps, sldadnst DJS ZIOMMSNEUKS ZIOMMC.

KEY: Mskskwsm, cui koc ws kc noed juvs, N. E.

Remember, you may be my last hope, LS

**_Author's note: thought I'd throw in a coded message for those true Snicketeers who will puzzle at it to figure out it's meaning. If you cannot comprehend it, private message me and I will supply the code and the answer if you wish! as always, read and review please!_**


End file.
